You Are Not Alone
Our purpose is to help people of all ages navigate life. As a mother and son team, Debbie and Greg come together to talk about the realities and struggles all of us face in today’s world. They cover a wide array of topics from mental health to current events to teaching on topics that help us do life. As Christians, they know there is one thing that brings peace, hope, and encouragement to anything life throws at us, and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Come along on the ride to learn what this means and how to get it. Your heart and life will be changed forever!
You Are Not Alone
Mastering the Art of Assertiveness: Enhance Your Communication and Empower Your Relationships
Do you ever struggle to communicate your thoughts and feelings effectively without coming across as aggressive or passive-aggressive? Join us this week as we discuss the crucial skill of assertiveness and explore the difference between assertiveness, aggression, and passive aggression. We'll share some personal experiences to illustrate the importance of direct and respectful communication while shedding light on the three C's of assertiveness - confidence, clarity, and control.
As we navigate the delicate art of assertiveness, we'll dive into the obstacles that can prevent us from standing up for our needs and practicing healthy communication. Learn how to be sensitive when addressing difficult topics and develop strategies to maintain your composure, even in challenging situations. We'll also emphasize the importance of recognizing and prioritizing our own needs while learning to say no without feeling guilty.
Finally, we'll offer valuable insights and tips on how to become a more assertive and empowered communicator. Discover the power of 'I statements' and explore the underlying reasons why you may not feel comfortable speaking up. By taking small steps and speaking up about the little things, you can gain confidence in your voice and create more meaningful connections with others. Don't miss this opportunity to transform your communication style and strengthen your relationships!
Hello and welcome to another episode of the You Are Not Alone podcast. I'm your co-host, debbie Gold, and I'm here with my co-host and son, greg, and we're so glad that you're here. Each week on the show, we will talk about issues that matter most to you, and it is our wish that you will find hope, encouragement and a little bit of Jesus in every show. Again, we're so glad that you're here and thanks for listening. Hello, welcome to our show today. We're excited to be here. We're gonna be talking about assertiveness and being able to say no to people. Last week we talked about self-esteem and this sort of is a piggy back on, a carry on, or a piggyback onto yeah, onto that.
Speaker 2:It was funny. You were, you were discussing the topics of this podcast and you were like, what about assertiveness? and I was like, oh sure, but inside my head I was like, what is that? You know, and so I was like honestly mom what is assertiveness and I googled it or you told me what it was and I was like oh, i know how to do that, you know. So I did it without knowing what it was basically.
Speaker 1:Right, it's such a good topic though. Yeah, for sure. it's a skill that we all need to have, right yeah, just communication runs the world.
Speaker 2:So I googled it just for like a little. You know heads up on this episode and it said being assertive means that it's communicating with others in a direct or honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone's feelings.
Speaker 1:Isn't that awesome. Yeah, i like that is so simple.
Speaker 2:It sums it up perfectly.
Speaker 1:And how often do we, you know, get like, oh, i'm not gonna say anything cuz I don't want to rock the boat, or you know, you have something happen over and over again and then you just are yelling at somebody because you didn't get it across.
Speaker 2:Yes, you didn't speak up.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so I think it's a definitely a good topic and something that we could, all you know.
Speaker 1:I'm just reminded I love doing these podcasts because I get reminded of some of the habits that I need to break or that I've gotten into, or some you know, we all make mistakes right, we were centers, but you work on your traits as you, you know, talk about, discuss them, yeah and so, as I was thinking about assertiveness and I was being reminded of when I first was in my internship, after I had my master's degree and I was working, i did a group with women and how to be assertive Oh, yeah yeah, i used to work with women that were talking about it. Well, they were women that were in usually hard situations you know abusive relationships or single moms and so we would talk about being assertive, being aggressive and the difference between those two, and then the difference between being passive, aggressive which is a whole nother.
Speaker 2:I hate passive aggressive, but yeah, keep going about that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, but I mean, there's just the different levels. So where we want to get to is a place of being just assertive, being able to express our needs in a very respectful way, and without hurting anyone's feelings Without hurting anyone's feelings. What was this class? It was just a small group, a therapy group that I did, oh, okay yeah, cool, how many people were in that. Well varied. I did a series you do like a six week series.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, yeah, and they sit around in a circle and it's like a little intervention or something.
Speaker 1:Right, i do the educational part where I teach it, and then we talk about our issues.
Speaker 2:Also you taught it. Yeah, so you went over like you know different topics and stuff like that Interesting, okay, and they came from. You know different backgrounds or the people Okay, cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was it a nonprofit agency.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, it was my internship.
Speaker 2:Well, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sounds cool, so anyway, this brought me back, that's cool To 1995., There you go, that's what I worked there.
Speaker 2:So long ago.
Speaker 1:It was a big year. I got married and we bought the house.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:And I was becoming a therapist.
Speaker 2:Big year for you. Big year, yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Anyways. so now that we kind of know what assertiveness is, i think that I recognize it so much Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's so in high school, middle school and college because, think about it, gossip, gossip, gossip gossip.
Speaker 1:Right, that is the opposite of being assertive because like.
Speaker 2:I mean assertive is communicating with each other's directly or honestly. Gossip is not that it's going behind each other's backs.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's being sneaky and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:It's not talking to someone directly about something that happened.
Speaker 2:It ruins relationships and friendships. My freshman year of high school you know that little friend group I have with those girls like nasty and toxic. They hated each other one week and then the next week.
Speaker 2:I'm going over to her house, i was like I thought you said you hated her. Yeah, well, that was just because I said that and I was like You tell me that you hate her guts when I'm driving in the car with you. Two days later, you're at her house having a picnic. I'm like what is going on here, right? So it was so toxic and it was just I didn't know what was going on with each other.
Speaker 1:Well, there you go.
Speaker 2:Nobody communicated honestly. And everyone was just making up stories. They were gossiping, relationships were in the way. It was just a mess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's exactly. That's such a good example. That's what will happen. And also gossip I just want to add is something the Bible does not promote, right, not at all, but it's so childish. No.
Speaker 2:If you've got a problem with someone or like something, you can just speak up. you know, yeah, i agree, i've heard a lot of people be like if you have a problem with something say it, you know. There's no point of hiding it, because then the problem's not going to get resolved, right?
Speaker 1:And I think when you say things, eventually people are going to come to know that you're that kind of person.
Speaker 2:That will say something that you can talk to.
Speaker 1:Right, they can talk to yeah, and they're going to become more okay with you and who you are And they'll be more open with dialoguing with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i had a friend in high school. His name is David. He would just say anything or like he was like almost a loud kid, but he wasn't like disrespectful loud, like he would say his opinion like on a movie. He would laugh out loud, you know, oh my gosh, and that's funny. And then the whole class would be like, you know, kind of like off to it. But then as the year went by, people started to love it And he was like so loud and like he just didn't have like any confidence issues And he would just, you know, be loud but he would like be upfront and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Because they loved it because they felt so comfortable. You know, they're just going to judge me because he doesn't care.
Speaker 1:You know also, they come to know. They came to know who he was His character.
Speaker 2:His character Yeah, that's awesome. I love that. Yeah, he was such a character. So anyway.
Speaker 1:So you know some. I think that we deal with situations Every day of our lives where we can practice art. Being assertive, we were mentioning or talking, before we got on the show here, about addressing or, you know, going to one of your professors or a teacher with a question that you have.
Speaker 2:Right, so many people don't do it in college.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So many people are like oh, the professors are evil, They're gremlins and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Maybe those are excuses.
Speaker 2:No, those are excuses. But for larger schools like A&M, tech or something like that, i can see how kind of because some professors might not be, you know, the most open or outgoing, but if you, if you make the extra effort. Like my first semester of high school or college, i met my professor, dr Farwell. It was for Intro to Business and it was like four classes in or something like that. I just finally went to him with a question after class and he was like super nice to where. I almost was like surprised that he was so happy that I was asking a question. I was like why is he so happy that I'm asking a simple question?
Speaker 2:I need something. I need help.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, and then the second class. After I asked him the question, he was like yeah, you have a good day man. So I'm like that And I don't know what he said. but we clicked off a little conversation and from then on, after class, i just started to hang out with them. You know five, eight minutes, you know 15 minutes, something like that. Oh no, you're getting a little phone call.
Speaker 1:I remember you talking about that and how you were building this relationship with your professor. He was such a cool professor because we had, you know, he was a state farm employee as well, that's right, yeah, yeah, so he had his own little state farm firm and he was.
Speaker 2:It was like his first year of being a professor and for the first time a teacher would like kind of opened up to me. He was like my gosh, greg. I'm stressed as hell because I'm managing my state farm firm and then also I'm trying to teach a class and four months ago I didn't know I was going to be teaching this class when the university reached out to me or something like that, and I was like really I didn't know idea.
Speaker 2:And he's like yeah, i had to help. One of the co-workers had to print some of the slide shows for the coursework and stuff like that. I had to research late at night. You know how do I? you know, he's like how do you think I'm doing?
Speaker 1:Like as a student, I was like you're doing great, That is so good. I love your class.
Speaker 2:I enjoy your class. He's like, really, yeah, i'm like, no, you're doing a great job as a professor. You're a lot better than most of my high school teachers and stuff like that. So it was cool because I could.
Speaker 1:I hope they're not listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, No that'd be funny. Um reaches out to me that he I'm sure we love it. Um, but yeah, it was so cool because he came to me for help and advice almost, and I was like this guy's a professor and he's asking me for advice.
Speaker 1:You know, see, i think super cool. That's another thing about being a certain. We have to remember that we all are human and we all have needs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can view your professor as a human. He's not just a professor. He's also a human that goes home and has a family He wants to be happy.
Speaker 1:He wants to do a good job. He's like everybody else right, even though they're, they're looked at it on a more of a hierarchy above you. But yeah, And and you also talked about like maybe being in a larger university And this can happen in a smaller, large, but but where they're maybe not as personable or they don't really get to know their students, whatever- Yeah. Um, but you know, maybe they, you know, maybe they act like they don't have time for you or they they kind of.
Speaker 1:Hill you off or whatever. Um, but you have to be prepared for some of those kind of situations as well. Absolutely, You know professors they're busy as people. You know they don't have time for some things or maybe it's not a good day for them, right You?
Speaker 2:caught them at the wrong time and they gave you a bad answer, right? Uh, shoot him an email.
Speaker 1:You have to be, yeah, you have to be open and to know that you may not always get that warm fuzzy.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, exactly, but you.
Speaker 1:You know, most likely you will, but not always. Yeah, so you had to just put your armor on and be okay with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mm. Hmm, it sucks, but yeah, go to plan B. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, okay, so when we're being assertive, there's something called the three C's of assertiveness. Oh yeah, um, to be confident when you're talking, make sure your message is real clear.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And be really controlled and speak in a very calm and controlled manner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i've heard people say that if you speak slower, it makes you sound more confident, because it makes you sound like you know what you're talking about more and you know what you're going to say.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And they'll recall them about the subject. When you talk fast, there's like this underlying sense that there may be some anxiety there, they're rushing Yeah. I'm really nervous about this. You know that kind of thing, Something like that. Yeah, I'm not sure about what I'm talking about or you know any of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, so what? um, what are the obstacles to being assertive? I think I want to kind of hit on that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Feelings.
Speaker 1:Feelings like you don't know what you're feeling.
Speaker 2:No, you don't want to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you can't manage anyone else's feelings.
Speaker 2:Let's get that set down So whatever someone else's feels from a conversation that's their stuff. But for topics it can differ too. You know, if it's a sensitive topic and you don't want to hurt somebody, somebody's feelings, it might be hard to you know, come across that way.
Speaker 1:So yeah, i also think like if you think it might be a sensitive issue, you have to be a little more sensitive and think more about what you're going to say Right, right, exactly, get clear on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't just, you know, hop in, oh my God, jenny's sick, or something like that, or something worse.
Speaker 1:But yeah, i think another obstacle is you think that your, your, your needs don't matter. Oh, it's okay. Don't worry about me, don't worry about me, those kind of things, yeah, yeah, or you. Another obstacle is you think you're going to get flustered because you've done that before. It's like I tried this once and I got flustered and it didn't turn out. Well, you know, you got to practice what you're going to say. Yeah, you really have to, so don't, don't let what you think that outcome might be.
Speaker 2:It affects what you're going to do.
Speaker 1:Stop you. Yes, Right, Go ahead and practice, practice, practice And I would tell the ladies to do that over and over. Write it down. Write down what you want to say. Get it a good idea in your head.
Speaker 2:But also don't ever think it. Be confident, It's you know, you can do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, there is that And that's okay for some people.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But some people do need to, you know. but you're right, I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know be confident. Yeah, cause a lot of times you know if you're going to say, let's say you're practicing assertiveness to tell someone something like, let's say, you have to go talk to your neighbor downstairs or something like that, but you have anxiety with doing that, right, you go to your class, you teach us assertiveness or something like that, but, um, you know, you're still kind of nervous or something like that. You know you can just practice it and people tend to overthink it and they eat themselves up with it, you know.
Speaker 2:And so you can just stand in front of the mirror and like practice what you're going to say, practice what you're going to say, practice what you're going to say. But if you overthink it like it, just it hurts you kind of. So just you know, tell yourself that you're confident you got this Cause. When you back yourself up like that, it's helpful.
Speaker 1:Right, i feel And I think, in you know more toward the end. Here we'll talk about how, how do you be assertive, how can you do that, and so that'll help with some of that. Um, i want to, um, i think I want to put you on the spot here just a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Um so a situation where you could be um not real comfortable with and I'm not talking about you in general, i'm just saying in general- or not specifically you, but in general.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh.
Speaker 1:What about? I mean, this is really an awkward thing for a lot of young kids, young Zen, you know Gen Z people. But asking someone out on a date right.
Speaker 2:There, you go.
Speaker 1:So I mean, if you saw the pretty girl at the coffee shop or you know whatever, what, how, how do you think you really wanted to like do? do you have a sense about how you might handle that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh, so she's behind the counter.
Speaker 1:Sure, she can be behind the counter, she can be doing.
Speaker 2:She's been to a coffee shop before, so you just go up to her. Hey, I thought you were really cute. I was, you know, wondering if I could get your number or if you're a free lighter, or something like that.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and say it slow, say it slow.
Speaker 1:Hey, sit up and sit up, i know right. And they're like what? Hey, my?
Speaker 2:name is yeah, and I thought you were cute.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a great way to start. Hey, my name is Greg.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I thought you were cute, i noticed you and was wondering if. Yeah, If I could you know, ask for your number or you know if you're a free lighter or something like that? Yeah, Eye contact, of course. Uh-huh, And I've been eating stuff like that pay attention. Uh-huh, if they have you know nails that are recently done, compliment those.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:See if their toes toenails are done, because girls they like that when you compliment their toes. See if they have a nice dress on. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anything that you can compliment.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:There's always something you can say nice about somebody and their appearance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because once you get a smile in, you're golden.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2:Make a smile.
Speaker 1:But what I heard you do was using eye statements. You know, like you know, i noticed you back here working Uh-huh And I was wondering if I could get your phone number.
Speaker 2:I'd like to go have some coffee.
Speaker 1:I'd like to go have some cute make them blush a little bit, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Then you're in, so Anyway.
Speaker 1:Okay, So that's good. Yeah, I think also, like during job interviews, everyone we're sort of this you know we already talked about that being this sort of the superior person.
Speaker 2:Oh, job interview one's a really good thing to do too.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:So if you have every single job interview I've been to, they would ask you do you have any questions for us about the job? Uh-huh, and I used to say no And dad was like no, no, no, no, no So you're doing everything wrong, okay So you want to ask them questions?
Speaker 1:That's right. Dad is a. You know he does executive recruiting and recruiting for high tech companies to get employees in open positions at company, so he's very.
Speaker 2:Very good at interviews interviews 24-7. He interviews people all the time over the phone, Right so he was like Greg, you're doing this wrong here, you want to know golden question, that'll help your interview. And I was like sure, and he goes okay. So when they ask you, you know, do you have any questions for us? Either if there's one person in the interview or two people in the interview, go to them. What is your favorite part about working here?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm you know, eye contact, direct, you know, and then they'll have to, you know, have a personal experience and stuff like that. And if it's a personal experience, Maybe you can relate that way yeah, build a little deeper relationship there and then if you have any other concerns Or questions that even that are small or big, ask them, because they're there for your questions. That's why they asked you know, do you have anything else we can help with?
Speaker 1:so I love the one. I know that Young people are afraid to ask well, what's the starting pay? Yeah, it seems like you and your brother avoid that whole question. I talked to other parents about it like. So here's another way you can say you can say so I'm curious what the starting pay for me would be right, exactly So. I'm curious, you know. I statement yeah, right now, what is the starting pay?
Speaker 2:You know, I'm curious to know what the starting pay is gonna be for this application position this position, yeah, so very fair question. No, absolutely Yeah. So it doesn't hurt to ask too, because you just want to get informed, you know, of why you're working there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks, yeah, this is gonna fit for me.
Speaker 2:Is this gonna work for me? It's just a good paying job for me.
Speaker 1:You need to need to know what you're gonna get paid, because you may want to buy a car or something and you got to save up and plan and yeah, you want to be able to ask for what you want, or me.
Speaker 1:Okay, so Let's talk about a little bit more about being so Assertive and how do you, how do you do that Right? So I think the first thing that you need to do is really kind of look at your style, like really assess yourself. So Does you know, do you like to express your opinions, or do you kind of keep quiet about those?
Speaker 2:right.
Speaker 1:Do you like to say Yes when you really need to say no, because your schedule is so full right now? Yeah, someone asked you to do something for them.
Speaker 2:I hate doing that. I don't know why I do that. I was, you know. Are you free right now? Yeah, yeah, cuz I want to be nice to them or something like that, but then I'm like mentally or physically exhausted, yeah and I just got done with something and I'm Inside.
Speaker 1:I know you do that for me. Yeah, i know you go out and you do your job and you work and you do your college And then, like when you're home this summer and I know you've been out doing your landscaping business and Which I'm really proud of you for- you Do a really great job.
Speaker 2:We got another. we got another client as well. Nice Yeah, so wait to hear Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, but it and then I go, you know, you come home and I'm like, can you help me move this thing down over here? Can you help me with that? And I know you probably just want to get in the shower and You know, but that's another thing you could say too. It's like, hey, mom, i want to help you and I will. I Let me get in the shower first. I really need to take shower. Yeah so there's, you know, you can meet your needs before.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, i see it as mama first.
Speaker 1:Well don't yeah, you got to put your needs first, it's okay, i mean, i appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i always want to help you. I know you do.
Speaker 1:Well, you're so sweet, but you always want to help everybody too. You're very, very there for people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's another thing. It's like saying no without feeling guilty.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:The thing exactly being a surter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, and I used to feel that way if you don't even have the time for something.
Speaker 2:Yo, do you want to come over to my house later? We watch a game or we watch, you know, a TV show or something like that. No, i can't, because I have dinner, or something like that, with my family. Mm-hmm, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah or yeah. I would love to do that, but I've already got plans.
Speaker 2:It sucks saying no, but if you can't make it, you can't make it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and people understand that. you have to remember that.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, yeah stuff, thumbs up and different things like that.
Speaker 1:So So anyway, kind of looking at what are your tendencies, you know, are you, are you afraid to talk to people right or superior to you, you know, just really looking at yourself, kind of taken a deep dive into how do I respond and how do I act in situations when I'm around other people. Do I put myself at a compromise Or do I put myself first right and you know that I think that's really important to do.
Speaker 1:But again, then we talked about I statements earlier and so I think I asked you What would you do if you went to McDonald's and you got an order And your order? you received your order and it was like totally messed up, totally not even anything that you ordered. Okay, so it's not even close.
Speaker 2:Yeah let's say you get a quarter pound of fries and I get a flio fish with brownie. I let's say drive-thru.
Speaker 1:Sure, you can drive through.
Speaker 2:I mostly do drive-thru. So Let's say I pull up at the drive spot because I'm at the parking spot, because I'm gonna eat in my car, because I'm weird, yeah, and then I'm gonna open the bag. I do that to eat, and then I'm gonna be happy because I get a quarter pounder and stuff and then I may Gonna be upset because I don't get my food. So I'm gonna pull around. I'm either gonna go, i'm probably just gonna go inside because I don't want to wait in the drive-thru line. That's gonna take forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll just wait at the line and I'll be like excuse me, yeah, i just ordered this through the drive-thru and I notice after looking at it that, um, this isn't my order, and things like that. Um, so I was wondering if I could get this changed out or corrected.
Speaker 1:That is so perfect. Oh my gosh. Yeah, the ice statements in there were amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, i need to notice Like I I ordered this, i ordered so-and-so.
Speaker 1:Whatever this, this isn't what I Ordered, or I forget which else up it. Um, you know, could I get a?
Speaker 2:mm-hmm. Can I get a quarter?
Speaker 1:quarter pounder or cheese, what I, what I really ordered, exactly, yeah, yeah, so, anyway, yeah, perfect, instead of. You know, some people get really angry and I get it. You know people have bad days. Y'all messed up my order. You messed up my order. It's like you, you, you, pointing, pointing, pointing the blame. I've seen like public freakouts online and stuff Like y'all can't even get my burger right, stuff like that. Well, i've seen him in person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know Anyway, and I think so, that's using I statements versus you and you know That's really coming from a place of blame when you say you yeah and so always try to reframe it What it is. It's distracting the blame, so yeah, yeah, it's what's putting it on something?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's taking the blame them off you and putting it on someone else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well there's. It shouldn't be a blame, it should be like this This is that's the point, is Okay, so there's no blame. And so I was at the gym the other day and I had signed chase up for a gym membership, and it's a once a month fee right.
Speaker 1:It's so much a month, thirty dollars, whatever yeah and they build me on the first and then on the 15th I got another charge. And so when I went into the gym yesterday, the day before yesterday, and I Said to the owner I go, hey, i got charged twice this month. I go, that mean, i've been here forever, i know that it's a once a month fee, i don't know what's going on. He looked at it, he goes who set this up? and I said, well, so-and-so. And He goes well, he didn't do it right. And I go, he's charging you. You put to his buy by monthly.
Speaker 1:So he's gonna get bill or by weekly is it, oh wow. So you get billed every two weeks for the one for the fee, that's so I'm getting billed twice.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and so when I went to go, i walked over to the guys later after I got done working out and And the gentleman that set me up because I am so sorry, he said I, i messed this up and he was very apologetic And I go, hey man, i go. You were really busy that day. You were trying to work me in and get my son signed up and I had two of you. I signed you up for the summer membership, right, yeah, and I go, and you were trying to work with a client and while he was doing his reps, you were trying to help me and get me going.
Speaker 1:I mean, you were crazy that day Yeah. I go, i totally get it, and so that's because he came to me and he started with. I am so sorry It put me in a place of, not that I would have yet and wouldn't have got on him anyway, but you know what I mean. Yeah just it's a great way to to start a conversation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So anyway, those statements are so important and just taking some ownership.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Another thing I think that you can do when you're learning how to be assertive is, you know, practicing what you want to say you know. for you Maybe that isn't so important, maybe you're better off the cuff, but if you really need to write it out That was the thing about my buddy in high school, david.
Speaker 2:He would. He would debate you on almost anything, and I mean anything to where the debates would get so funny at the lunch tables Everyone would chime in. Now the Roman Colosseum would do the da da, da, da, da da, no, no, no, no. Did you know that there's a da da da? and it would be about anything so anyone could get like interested in it. Mm-hmm, and he was so dang strong about his opinion like he would scream.
Speaker 1:Oh well opinion itself.
Speaker 2:It was so funny to like you make a little show out of it Yeah. And it was so funny. So because he expressed you know what do you like? what he, what he thought was right with his opinions and stuff like that. And just he was being funny while doing it, so everyone got a kick out of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with in expressing your opinion, as long as you're not imposing on somebody else.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Keep your emotions in check. That's a really big thing. It's real easy to get thrown off or get frustrated or get angry or You know those, those kind of things. But try to remain calm. That's really Really important. And keep your voice. Excuse me, keep your voice, even and and you know just Strong and firm. Yeah and then body language. What about body language? What do you think is good about being showing assertiveness through body language? I mean?
Speaker 2:don't have like your arms crossed. It's kind of shows. You're closed off Yeah. Like.
Speaker 1:I said I contact. I contact contact right, so keeping um, you know, don't be making faces from handshakes, stuff like that. I'm bad at that. I make faces.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't you notice? sometimes I go through periods, yeah, so yeah, hands to your side or in your pot. You know, keep, keep your body open.
Speaker 2:Yeah, from handshake all that stuff.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Keep upright position. Don't Know. There's nothing assertive about someone hunching over and looking at the floor when they're trying to have a conversation with somebody. Yeah there's nothing assertive about that, so. So anyway, i'm realizing that we have gone almost to 30 minutes here, and I know we like to keep it a little bit shorter for our audience. So Anything else that you want to add?
Speaker 2:I think cover it at all Okay just a couple things just to add.
Speaker 1:I mean, if you can just practice being assertive, it is going to change your world. It will change your life. No, it's not gonna happen overnight And it's gonna take practice, but you can do it, anybody can do it. It's a skill that we should all learn. There, you go and It'll build confidence in yourself. It'll build your self-esteem. It will. Relationships help your relationships. Your jobs are gonna be a bit more amazing.
Speaker 2:It'll just help you be better with people overall and guess what?
Speaker 1:we all have people in our lives. There, you go Yeah, So anyway all right. So I guess what would be a good action called action for everyone to take away, to start Be more cop flying their assertive abilities or their assertive self, i guess speak out on the little things, if anything bothers you or practice saying no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, maybe you have a tight schedule one day and so I asked to tell you pick you up or something like that. And you know it's gonna like really really have to like stress you out or time crunch your schedule for you know To get picked up, or something like that. You say, yeah, i wish I could, but I can't today because I have this and this. Yeah, um, perfect, yeah, you can just speak up, and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, saying no Practicing just using I statements in general, that would be a great way to start.
Speaker 2:That's how I started, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, i just would say my I statement and anything, because you can do that. So just you know and assess yourself, get a sense about, like, if I'm one that doesn't share their opinion, do I think my opinion doesn't matter? You know, figure out who you are inside and all those thoughts that go on in your head right and so start with that and then Find a way to start working on Your those little issues, one by one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so anyway, I think that is our show for today.
Speaker 2:I think so. Thank you, jesus for this episode.
Speaker 1:It was fun and Remember you are not alone, oh.