You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
As a mother and son team, Debbie and Greg come together to talk about the realities and struggles we all face in today’s world. They cover a wide array of topics from mental health to current events to teaching on topics that will help you do life. As Christians, they know there is one thing that brings peace, hope, and encouragement to anything life throws our way, and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You don't know what you don't know, so come along on the ride. Your life and heart will be changed forever!
You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
Embrace Your Growth - The Impact of Positive Inner Dialogue
Imagine a world where setbacks become stepping stones and self-doubt gives way to self-assurance. That's the power of positive self-talk, a tool we all possess but often underutilize. Join us as we delve into the profound effects our internal dialogue has on our lives, shaping not just our outlook but the very essence of our personality. Uncover the stark contrast between positive and negative self-talk, and learn how to harness this power to boost your self-esteem and motivation.
Venturing deeper into the realm of positive self-talk, we share personal stories and experiences, painting a vivid picture of its transformative potential. We showcase how a positive mindset can turn every roadblock into an opportunity for growth, pushing you closer to your goals one step at a time. Our journey through the maze of self-talk will extend beyond mere theory, offering real-life examples and practical tips to help you replace any lingering negativity with constructive self-dialogue.
Wrapping up, we draw inspiration from the world of sports, specifically basketball, to demonstrate how small steps and persistent practice can yield remarkable results. Much like mastering the art of shooting three-pointers, personal growth too is a journey of gradual progression. We encourage you to seize every opportunity to learn and grow, to create your own narrative with optimism at its core. So tune in, get inspired, and let's embark on this journey towards positivity and personal growth together!"
Note: There were no guests mentioned in the in-depth overview. Hence, no guests have been mentioned in the show notes summary.
We have this show where we'll talk about informative issues, issues that will make you think and help you grow. It is our wish that you will find hope, encouragement and a little visit to Jesus in every episode. Hello, debbie, here, greg sitting next to me, hello, and we are going to spend our time today talking about positive self-talk. Specifically, what are the benefits? I mean, I'm sorry, what it is what are the benefits and how we can improve on our positive self-talk, because we can't get enough of that. That's good.
Speaker 2:No, never.
Speaker 1:Last week, if you listened in, we focused on negative self-talk and you'll hear a little bit of overlay or repeat of some of the things we talked about last week, but that's good, because that will help reinforce the information that we're giving you. So there's so much power in our thoughts. We do a whole lot of good with them, but we can also do a whole lot of bad with them, and our words have huge, huge impacts on the kind of life that we're gonna live and the kind of person that we're gonna be.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say, yeah, thoughts are important, but words are extremely important as well, but you backed that up perfectly, so I agree completely.
Speaker 1:So why don't we start with the first point that we wanted to share today? And so, what is self-negative? What is positive self-talk? So this is an internal dialogue. Again, it's like negative self-talk. You got that internal dialogue going on that makes you feel good about yourself and it motivates you to help think optimistically. So if you break that down, that means let's be, it'll help you be happier.
Speaker 2:Happier, I'm sorry, stumbling over my words.
Speaker 1:No, I get it. I hope it'll help you be more confident about the future. You just think more positively you do You're in just so much of a different space than you are when you're in negative self-talk a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So again, just to sort of say that it just motivates us, to help us to think optimistically, to be hopeful and confident about our future.
Speaker 2:And I think people like to be around people that are really positive and stuff like that too. I had a buddy in high school I'm not gonna say his real name, cause yeah and he was always positive, Every single day. He'd walk into English class and he would just be like hey man, what's going on?
Speaker 1:Like super uptight, super happy and stuff like that Uptight up, up, capped, happy I don't know, yeah, okay, but not uptight, no, not uptight, no, just super happy and like up.
Speaker 2:He was just happy. He was like a really happy bully, I guess, and people would just like to be around him cause he was funny, he was super down to earth and he was just yeah, everyone loved him because he was like so funny and happy and like if you were having a really crappy day, hang out next to him. Your day will be five times better instantly.
Speaker 1:I love being around people like that Exactly same. So that's why I mentioned him.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it's really important and people notice so, cause I remembered him and yeah you still remember him. I do yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay and so anyway, positive self-talk it helps you to feel just good about yourself, better about yourself. So I have some examples I'd wanted to share with y'all and it'll just kind of get your mind going. So here's positive self-talk Well, this is gonna be challenging. Versus negative, Well, that's just too difficult. Or I will give it my best shot, versus I cannot do it. If I mess up, I will learn from it. I always mess things up. I'm open to change. I've always been this way. I wanna succeed. I'll probably fail. Are you guys following me? I'm reading the positive self-talk and I'm comparing it to a negative statement.
Speaker 2:Every single negative statement that you said you fail before you even tried. I'm gonna fail at this. I'm not gonna do well.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm gonna mess this up.
Speaker 2:It's gonna be too difficult, like you're telling yourself that you're gonna fail. Mess up, it's too difficult. You can't do this every single time there you go, you're gonna believe that or you're just gonna be a nervous wreck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's hard to live your life that way. Yeah, I wanna keep going because I don't want this.
Speaker 1:Positive would be I wanna succeed oh, I think I did that one. The negative would be oh, I'll just probably fail. I'm lucky. My life could be worse. I have nothing good in my life. I wanna learn. I don't know how to do it so I won't try. So you can see the I mean gosh, yeah, it's like I get chills thinking about it. If I said all those things to me all the time on the negative side, that yeah, where would I be?
Speaker 2:Down low Right.
Speaker 1:So if we tend to be a negative self-talker, we have to have the courage to start looking at that positive talk, because it will change your life.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm completely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, let's go on to the next point, which are the benefits of positive self-talk. So research shows that positive self-talk can improve our self-esteem, it can manage stress and well-being, and it can reduce signs of anxiety and depression.
Speaker 2:And it helps with confidence.
Speaker 1:Helps with confidence Absolutely. Thank you for adding that. I love it. So those are the benefits. Now I don't know about you, but I want those. I mean, I'm you know there was a time in my life that I did struggle with this.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Really. I mean, I was in middle school and high school was having issues with my hair falling out, and it got so bad where I had to actually just wear a scarf on my head all the time to cover just cover the balding areas.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So yes, I did not have good peer support. I was pretty much a loner a lot yeah.
Speaker 2:And you probably did a lot of negative self-talk in the mirror and stuff like that Absolutely. It couldn't have been good for yourself.
Speaker 1:Right, and on top of that I didn't have parents I could go to and really express how I was feeling, because we didn't talk about feelings. I didn't even know how to express my feelings.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So just a big example Now, today, I feel amazing, I feel, you know, like you're open to talk about stuff like that?
Speaker 2:I am.
Speaker 1:And I love I don't get down on myself. Yeah, I do find the positive out of the negatives and the hard and the. You know all that and I'm a happy person, yeah, so, anyway, all right. So there's that. And then there's five ways that. What is my thought here? I'm sorry I got two into my own personal life. Five benefits Okay, they help. So positive self-talk will help improve our self-esteem and how we feel about ourselves. Right, so you'll feel better about yourself. It encourages you and it motivates you.
Speaker 2:Completely.
Speaker 1:And totally see that when we talk about the list of the positive self-talk versus negative- I can see how I would be so put down over here. On the negative side of all these comments here, and then all the positive self-talk, I am uplifted and I'm ready to go.
Speaker 2:The way I can see positive self-talk in my head is like you're sitting on a cloud right and you're kind of hovering right now, but each time you tell yourself something great it kind of boosts yourself up and you're just getting boosted up on that cloud.
Speaker 1:Like you jump from cloud to cloud. I mean, yeah, sure.
Speaker 2:I guess the cloud just raises higher.
Speaker 1:I love it. Or that is like a balloon yeah, yeah, elevator, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's good, I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a good image and another benefit is it will reduce anxiety and depression.
Speaker 2:Completely.
Speaker 1:So because you're thinking differently.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're telling yourself positive stuff.
Speaker 1:Instead of negative yes, and negative stuff will bring you down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it eats away at you.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. It improves body image. There's this people, young people, struggle I mean a lot of people struggle with body image and this can help. Positive self-talk can help you Just get to the place where you want to be with your body. Except where you are with your body, love your body.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, it's. Yeah, it's good to boost yourself up about yourself.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And to be comfortable with yourself too.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like looking in the mirror at the start of the gym. It's like I have some stuff I want to work on but I know I can get there. Yeah, it's going to be a journey, but I'm going to get rid of this fat or whatever.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So just boosting yourself up.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:The gym's a great place for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and another benefit is making you feel more like you're in control of your life Because you're going to have more confidence, you're going to have more self-esteem, higher self-esteem, mm-hmm. And these leads to those kind of feelings Like I'm in control of my life. I'm going to achieve the goals that I want to do. You know my life, you know I'm in control of my life. I love that. I just love that, and that's where you want to be.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So much benefit in looking at yourself in a positive light and finding ways to ward that for yourself. Yeah, that make you successful.
Speaker 2:There's no downside to just thinking positive all the time and like trying to find the best out of the worst situations.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. That is really. I'm glad you threw that in there, because this isn't only just about ourselves, but it can be about other things in life, right? We all get handed hard times.
Speaker 2:I feel like Antlin is like that she's always just happy you know, oh, and with that we're going to go see in Virginia. Yeah, yeah, she's always just you know she's not there.
Speaker 1:How does she do that? I don't know.
Speaker 2:She's always just so happy, and if something goes wrong, oh, that's okay.
Speaker 1:We'll figure something else out.
Speaker 2:It's all good, I know.
Speaker 1:And then when, uncle, Allen, uncle Allen, like I remember, last time we were there, chase broke the Q stick and so you know, I said, well, you got to go tell Uncle Allen and you just let him know you're going to pay for it. And when he, you know, he goes in there to tell Uncle Allen. In the kitchen, uncle Allen was like well, tell me how that happened, you know, or something to that effect. It was like it's kind of interrogation there, instead of oh, you know what, that's okay, stuff happens right, like Antlin would have been. And then of course we would have offered to pay for it anyway.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's just a different, yeah, but that's good.
Speaker 1:And then, another final benefit is that you motivate. You're motivated to overcome obstacles. So what I'm trying to say is that it allows you to see the setbacks. That setbacks are just temporary and they're learning opportunities, as you were saying, and you know, rather than being unsurmountable, unsurpassable obstacles. I think I made up a word there, I don't know. You made something out of it, anyway, but see, I made a mistake and I could laugh about it. It's okay. Yeah, made a mistake.
Speaker 2:There you go. Learn from this one. Yeah, and there you go.
Speaker 1:Just learn now to say it the right way and it's all good. So motivate again. Motivate yourself to, or it motivates you to, overcome obstacles. Aldo, Is that clear? I think I mumbled my words.
Speaker 1:It allows you to see the setbacks, that setbacks are just temporary and they're learning opportunities rather than big obstacles that you can't overcome. And I always kind of look at that when I'm faced with a really tough time or faced with something hard. I, as a steadfast believer in Christ, know that when I am faced with hard things, that God is going to bring something really good out of those things for me and learning opportunities, healing relationships, you know, whatever they can, it will be positive that comes out of it.
Speaker 2:Well then, yeah then, never stay in that negative mind space for a long time, since you know something positive is going to come out of it and God will be happy.
Speaker 1:Alright, and then moving on to our last point, which is improving our self-talk. So there's something called the three C's of negative self-talk, and the first one is catching yourself, the second one is checking it and the third one is changing it. So when we have negative self-talk going on and here's an opportunity for you right now, and we'll make this a call to action as well so what are your thoughts and are they helping you? What type of negative self-talk pops up for you? Do you see something kind of repetitive that keeps coming up? Those are the kind of things that you want to start inquiring internally on, you know, asking yourself those questions. What pops up for me? A lot for a negative self-talk.
Speaker 2:We were kind of discussing this ahead of time. You were asking me for an example or something like that, so that we could use the three C's.
Speaker 2:And it didn't even really. I didn't even have to think hard about it. I went back in time, basically in my head, and I just went oh, eighth grade basketball tryouts right before it. I don't know why. I think because there was a lot more kids that were trying to join the eighth grade team and a bunch of their, the kids that were there, I didn't like so, like a bunch of boys that were super mean.
Speaker 1:They were mean.
Speaker 2:So I think I just had insane like social anxiety going in there too, absolutely. So my self-talk was like really, it was really harsh on myself, I'm pretty sure Do you remember? Not really what I was saying. I remember the tryouts and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:But you don't remember what you were really telling yourself.
Speaker 2:No, I just know, I was like a nervous wreck before.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was all freaking out and palms are all sweaty and stuff. You couldn't grip the basketball right I?
Speaker 1:can only imagine just kind of knowing the history of some of this. But like I'm not gonna do, well, I'm gonna be left at. I'm going to be. I just you know.
Speaker 2:I wanted to be on that team. So bad that year. I know you were good.
Speaker 1:I know so, and this is it. That was your defeat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:That was your defeat.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:Sad to say. Anyway, so let's go, so so catching yourself.
Speaker 2:Catching yourself in negative self-talk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what your thoughts are. So be aware of what you say to yourself, and the first step is recognizing that you have negative thoughts, and then ask yourself if you would talk to someone else that way.
Speaker 2:So if you say, you know you're going to go out there and I'm, you know I'm not going to do well, You're going to miss every shot, you're going to fail all the drills and you're going to slip in the running practice If you tell your buddy that right before that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like well, that's really encouraging.
Speaker 2:Thanks for the help man, thanks for the emotional support.
Speaker 1:So we, yeah, so that's why we need to stay away from that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and.
Speaker 1:I always love that friend. You know, imagine you saying that to somebody else. That is so good.
Speaker 2:It really is. And even when I came back at like a three droughts I don't even think I was I realized I was like doing all this negative self-talk and I was like a nervous wreck. I thought I was just like nervous, or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but.
Speaker 2:I was so tough on myself. I think, yeah, I kind of can't remember like doing drills and stuff and I'd miss a shot. I was so tough on myself because I expected myself to be perfect, you know tip top or not perfect, but you know performing at my best or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but still perfect. A lot of people get caught up in that they get to be perfect Like there's no in between, like either I'm good or I'm bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah and that's just not reality.
Speaker 1:So okay, well, let's take that example, then, and let's you know, check it, I don't know. I guess I said you know I'm either. I have to be perfect. That means I always have to be good. Well, always is one of those words that you can't really say always, never. It's just so absolute, it's impossible. There's no way to have any wiggle room in there.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. It's impossible.
Speaker 1:Right. So so just really check again. You know, check your reality. How real is it? So give me some other examples of what you were saying that you might have been thinking if you were actually analyzing your self-talk.
Speaker 2:Let's say I'm at the free throw line and I have two shots at the free throw line and all the kids are at the behind the back board of the rim. I miss my first shot, bounces off the rim Dang it. I should have made that stupid, me I miss the second shot. Come on Greg.
Speaker 1:Oh man, beat yourself up. Yeah, stuff like that, so do better.
Speaker 2:Come on, what's up with you, something like that. So, because I put so much pressure on myself, I think beforehand to you know, perform really well. So, in putting that pressure on yourself. It's really not healthy.
Speaker 1:No, it's not Well, and that's kind of reinforcing with positive stuff. Right. And then kind of, how would you, how would you check? You know, so you're checking that, you're looking at what you're saying. How would you change that? It'd be like, look, I haven't a bad day here. You know this is, you know I, I Okay, I missed the two shots, you're having a bad day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if I was doing a positive, I take the first shot. All right, well, I can make the second one. At least I missed the second one. All right, well, I'm gonna have to do better on these three pointers and the layups and all that stuff, because I just missed both of these, so just put more pressure on yourself for other areas.
Speaker 1:Don't act like you have to be perfect in everything. Right, right, right. I like that.
Speaker 2:Be like. Well, I'll make up for these missed shots by performing way better in the three-point shooting or the layup drills.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so wonderful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's how I do it.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, I think that was really helpful to walk through that example and again you get the idea. You got to catch yourself first. You got to be paying attention to what what you're saying negative about yourself, and when that pops up for you most often maybe just start. Start there and it's just helping me. Are these thoughts helping me? I think that's just one question that I always keep in my head. Is this helpful?
Speaker 2:Why am I?
Speaker 1:beating myself up over this Right Right. Okay, so it happened or I'm thinking. I'm thinking this is gonna happen and then checking it. I'm thinking about what you're thinking and how unreal a lot of times our thoughts are so unrealistic it's crazy.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Yeah, I know it's crazy.
Speaker 1:And we expect so much of ourselves and unimaginable.
Speaker 2:We're so tough on ourselves. Yeah, insanely tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and again using those words like okay, am I saying never, or I'll probably never make this shot when you're up at that line. You don't want to go there. You know I've got this, got this. If I don't, it's okay. Yeah you know, that kind of thing I'll do better on the next thing I do, and then you know changing it. So catching yourself checking it changing your thinking. Yeah, I'll do better at the next the next drill drill.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:So anyway, yeah, so don't, don't let your now your negative self-talk get you down. That's really kind of the goal of that little exercise that we did. And and just to push yourself up and boost yourself up stay on that positive self-talk Side where you know this is gonna be challenging or I'm gonna do my best at this. You know, if I mess up I'm gonna learn from it.
Speaker 1:I am open to change. I want to succeed, I can. You know, my life could be worse. I'm lucky here, you know. I want to learn all those, all those great things.
Speaker 2:So it just sounds like you have hope. So yeah, keep hope, keep hope.
Speaker 1:Anyway. Well, what's our call to action? Greg, let's. What would we like?
Speaker 2:I didn't recognize when you're Excuse me talking negative versus when you're talking positive, and try to overpower the negative with the positive. I like that, Well said let's say you realize you're talking 50% negative, 50% positive about yourself. Try to make that change to 90, 10 and then eventually 100% positive. So just work on it, small steps, baby steps.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's how we just always work for improvement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just small steps, because, yeah, take your time with it, but don't be too harsh on yourself, like I said.
Speaker 1:Accept yourself for where you're at. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we all start somewhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's kind of like in basketball you didn't get to a point where you could throw. You mean, you're pretty good at those three, three throws or three, three pointers. Yeah, you didn't start there.
Speaker 2:No, you start with very close.
Speaker 1:You didn't start there and you're not. You're all gonna not gonna start. You know with. You know big improvements on the negative cell top. But you're gonna start now. Yeah, and you're gonna make improvements and you're gonna keep going and keep working on this and it's gonna make a big impact on your life.
Speaker 2:Like I said, yeah, learning to shoot threes, it was baby steps. Right under the rim. You do 50 shots right under the rim. You take two steps back, mm-hmm. Hundred shots under the rim. Two steps back, 150 shots under the rim and then you keep going back and if you mess up All those shots, you start over and you go to the very beginning. Yeah, so it's like you put yourself in a situation to just learn and expand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Wow, thank you for sharing that. That was wonderful, all right, well, thank you for listening and Leave some comments on what y'all thought yeah, love to your reviews here.
Speaker 2:What do you think?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, anyway, well, you all have a great rest of your day and we will be back Again real soon with some more. How do we make ourselves feel better? Yeah, information exactly all right, take care, bye, bye.