You Are Not Alone
Our purpose is to help people of all ages navigate life. As a mother and son team, Debbie and Greg come together to talk about the realities and struggles all of us face in today’s world. They cover a wide array of topics from mental health to current events to teaching on topics that help us do life. As Christians, they know there is one thing that brings peace, hope, and encouragement to anything life throws at us, and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Come along on the ride to learn what this means and how to get it. Your heart and life will be changed forever!
You Are Not Alone
Assertiveness: Bold, Respectful Self-Expression
Have you ever found yourself tongue-tied, unable to articulate your needs without fear of stepping on toes? Join us, Debbie Gold and my son Greg, as we navigate the nuanced pathways of assertiveness on the You Are Not Alone podcast. Together, we peel back the layers of communicating effectively, whether it's turning down an invitation with grace or standing your ground in a professional setting. Our conversation is a treasure trove of personal experiences, from my own days leading a transformative therapy group to Greg's candid revelations about his journey towards assertive prowess.
Assertiveness isn't just about getting your voice heard; it's a delicate balance that requires finesse and understanding. In today's episode, we dissect the subtle yet crucial distinctions between assertive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive tendencies. Our exchange isn't just theoretical—we share real-life scenarios and the practical steps we've taken to overcome the barriers to assertive expression. We emphasize the importance of preparation and practice in honing this skill, offering up tips that you can apply immediately to your next challenging conversation.
Wrapping up, we explore how assertiveness unfolds across various social landscapes, from the anxiety-inducing realm of asking someone out to the high-stakes environment of job interviews. Through heartfelt stories and pragmatic advice, we shed light on how simple techniques, like using "I statements," can transform your interactions and help maintain healthy boundaries. So tune in for a robust discussion on the art of assertiveness, where we remind you that standing up for yourself never means standing alone.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the you Are Not Alone podcast. I'm your co-host, debbie Gold, and I'm here with my co-host and son, greg, and we're so glad that you're here. Each week on this show, we will talk about issues that matter most to you, and it is our wish that you will find hope, encouragement and a little bit of Jesus in every show. Again, we're so glad that you're here and thanks for listening. Hello, welcome to our show today. Yeah, we're excited to be here. We're going to be talking about assertiveness and being able to say no to people. Last week we talked about self-esteem and this sort of is a piggyback A carry-on.
Speaker 1:A carry-on or a piggyback onto that?
Speaker 2:It was funny. You were discussing the topics of this podcast and you were like, what about assertiveness? And I was like, oh sure, but inside my head I was like, what is that? And so I was like, honestly, mom?
Speaker 1:But inside my head I was like what is that you know? And so I was like honestly mom what is assertiveness?
Speaker 2:And then I Googled it or you told me what it was and I was like oh, I know how to do that, you know. So I did it without knowing what it was basically.
Speaker 1:Right, it's such a good topic though. Yeah, for sure. It's a skill that we all need to have, Right yeah, because communication runs the world.
Speaker 2:So I googled it just for like a little you know heads up on this episode and it said being assertive means that it's communicating with others in a direct or honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone's feelings.
Speaker 1:Isn't that awesome. Yeah, I like that is so simple.
Speaker 2:It sums it up perfectly.
Speaker 1:And how often do we get like, oh, I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to rock the boat. Or you have something happen over and over again and then you just start yelling at somebody because you didn't get it across yes, or you didn't speak up.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so I think it's definitely a good topic and something that we could, all you know. I'm just reminded I love doing these podcasts because I get reminded of some of the habits that I need to break or that I've gotten into, or some you know, we all make mistakes right, we're sinners.
Speaker 2:You work on your traits as you. You know we all make mistakes.
Speaker 1:Right, we're sinners, but you work on your traits, as you you know, talk about and discuss them. And so, as I was thinking about assertiveness and I was being reminded of when I first was in my internship, after I had my master's degree and I was working, I did a group with women on how to be assertive.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used to work with women that were.
Speaker 2:Tell me about it.
Speaker 1:Well, they were women that were in usually hard situations you know abusive relationships or single moms and so we would talk about being assertive, being aggressive and the difference between those two. And then the difference between being passive, aggressive which is a whole nother.
Speaker 2:I hate passive aggressive. Yeah, keep going about that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I mean, there's just the different levels. So where we want to get to is a place of being just assertive, being able to express our needs in a very respectful way and without hurting anyone's feelings Without hurting anyone's feelings without hurting anyone's feelings. When was this class? It was just a small group, a therapy group that I did okay yeah, cool how many people were in that was well varied. I did a series you do like a six-week series.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, yeah, and they sit around in a circle and it's like a little intervention.
Speaker 1:Right, I do the educational part where I teach it, and then we talk about our issues.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you taught it, yeah, okay. Yeah. So you went over like you know different topics and stuff like that Interesting, okay, and they came from. You know different backgrounds or the people, okay, cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was at a nonprofit agency. Oh, that's cool to 1995 there you go that's when I worked there so long ago. Yeah, it was a big year. I got married and we bought the house wow and I was becoming a therapist big, big year for you.
Speaker 2:Big year, yeah, that's crazy anyways.
Speaker 1:so now that we kind of know what assertiveness is, I think that I recognize it so much yeah.
Speaker 2:It's so in high school, middle school and college. Because, think about it, gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip. Right, that is the opposite of being assertive, because, like I mean, assertive is communicating with each other directly or honestly. Gossip is not that it's going behind each other's backs, it's being sneaky and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:It's not talking to someone directly about something that happened.
Speaker 2:It ruins um relationships and friendships my freshman year of high school. You remember that little friend group I had with those girls. Like nasty and toxic gosh, they hated each other one week and then the next week I'm going over to her house. I was like I thought you said you hated her. Well, that was just because I said that, and I was like you tell me that you hate her guts when I'm driving in the car with you. Two days later, you're at her house having a picnic. I'm like what is going on here?
Speaker 1:So it was so toxic and I didn't know what was going on with each other.
Speaker 2:Well, there you go. Nobody communicated honestly. Everyone was just making up stories. They were gossiping. Relationships were in the way. It was just a mess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's exactly. That's such a good example. That's what will happen. And also gossip, I just want to add, is something the Bible does not promote, not at all, but it's so childish something the Bible does not promote, right Not at all, but it's so childish.
Speaker 2:No, if you've got a problem with someone or like something, you can just speak up. You know yeah. I agree, I've heard a lot of people be like if you have a problem with something say it, you know. There's no point of hiding it, because then the problem's not going to get resolved, right?
Speaker 1:And I think when you say things, eventually people are going to come to know that you're that kind of person.
Speaker 2:That will say something that you can talk to right and they're going to become, uh, more okay with with you and who you are and they'll be more open with dialoguing with you yeah, I had a friend in high school his name is david um, he would just say anything or like he was like almost the loud kid, but he wasn't like disrespectful loud, like he would say his opinion like on a. He would laugh out loud oh my gosh, that's funny. And then the whole class would be kind of off to it. But then as the year went by people started to love it and he was so loud and he just didn't have any confidence issues and he would just be loud, but he would be up front and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Everyone loved it because they felt so comfortable. Sure, he's not going to judge me because he doesn't care.
Speaker 1:You know he's funny and goofy. They've come to know. They came to know who he was His character.
Speaker 2:His character yeah, that's awesome. I love that. Yeah, he was such a character. So.
Speaker 1:You know, I think, that we deal with situations every day of our lives where we can practice our being assertive. We were mentioning or talking, before we got on the show here, about going to one of your professors or a teacher with a question that you have.
Speaker 2:Right, so many people don't do it in college. Yeah, so many people are like oh, the professors are evil, they're gremlins and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Those are evil, they're gremlins and stuff like that. Those are excuses.
Speaker 2:No, those are excuses. But for larger schools like A&M, tech or something like that, I can see how kind of because some professors might not be, you know, the most open or outgoing but if you, if you make the extra effort. Like my first semester of high school or college, I met my professor, dr Farwell. It was for intro to business and it was like four classes in or something like that. I just finally went to him with a question after class and he was like super nice to where. I almost was like surprised that he was so happy that I was asking a question. I was like why is he so happy that I'm asking a simple question?
Speaker 2:I need something I need help yeah um, and then the second class. After I asked him the question, he was like why is he so happy that I'm? Asking a simple question. I need something, I need help, yeah. And then the second class after I asked him the question, he was like yeah, you have a good day, man, something like that. And I don't know what he said, but we clicked off a little conversation no-transcript. He was such a cool professor because we had, you know, he was a. State Farm employee as well, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, so he had his own little State Farm firm and it was like his first year of being a professor and for the first time a teacher kind of opened up up to me. He was like, oh my gosh, greg. Um, I'm stressed as hell because I'm managing my state farm firm and then also I'm trying to teach a class and four months ago I didn't know I was going to be teaching this class when the uh university reached out to me or something like that and I was like, really I had no idea and he's like yeah, I had to help one of one of the uh co-workers had to print some of the slide shows for the coursework and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:I had to research late at night. You know how do I? You know, da, da, da, da da. He's like how do you think I'm doing?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. I was like you're doing great. That is so good. I love your class.
Speaker 2:I enjoy your class. He's like, really, yeah, I'm like, no, you're doing a great job as a professor. You're a lot better than most of my high school teachers and stuff like that. So it was cool because I could.
Speaker 1:I hope they're not listening yeah.
Speaker 2:That'd be funny, reaches out to me. I'm sure he'd love it. But yeah, it was so cool because he came to me for help and advice almost, and I was like this guy's a professor and he's asking me for advice.
Speaker 1:You know, super cool. That's another thing about being a. We have to remember that we all are human and we all have needs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can view your professor as a human. He's not just a professor. He's also a human that goes home and has a family and a wife he wants to be happy.
Speaker 1:He wants to do a good job. He's like everybody else. Right, even though they're looked at on more of a hierarchy above you. But yeah, and you also talked about like maybe being in a larger university and this can happen in small or large, but where they're maybe not as personable or they don't really get to know their students, whatever. But you know, maybe they act like they don't have time for you or they kind of blow you off or whatever, but you have to be prepared for some of those kind of situations as well.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, you know professors they're busy ass people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they don't have time for some things, or?
Speaker 1:maybe it's not a good day for them, right you?
Speaker 2:caught them at the wrong time and they gave you a bad answer. Right, shoot them an email. You have to for them, right? You caught them at the wrong time and they gave you a bad answer, right?
Speaker 1:uh, shoot them an email you have to be, yeah, you have to be able to know that you may not always get that warm fuzzy right, yeah, exactly but you, you know, most likely you will, but not always yeah, and so you have to just put your armor on and be okay with that yeah, it sucks, but sucks.
Speaker 2:but yeah, go to plan B, there you go.
Speaker 1:Um, okay, so when we're being assertive, there's something called the three C's of assertiveness. Um, to be confident when you're talking, make sure your message is real clear and be really controlled and speak in a very calm and controlled manner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've.
Speaker 1:I've heard um people say that if you speak slower, it makes you sound more confident because, it makes you sound like you know what you're talking about more, and you know what you're going to say yeah and you see more calm about the subject I think when you talk fast, it there's like this underlying sense that there may be some anxiety there yeah I'm really nervous about this you know that kind of something like that. Yeah, I'm not sure about what I'm talking about or you know any of that yeah, um um, so what are the obstacles to being assertive? I think I want to kind of hit on that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Feelings.
Speaker 1:Feelings like you don't know what you're feeling.
Speaker 2:No, you don't want to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you can't manage anyone else's feelings.
Speaker 2:Let's get that set down so whatever someone else feels from a conversation that's their stuff. But for topics it can differ too. You know, if it's a sensitive topic and you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, it might be hard to come across that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I also think like if you think it might be a sensitive issue, you have to be a little more sensitive and think more about what you're going to say Right, right, exactly.
Speaker 2:Get clear on that that, yeah, you can't just, you know, hop in, oh my god, jenny's sick, or something like that, or something worse.
Speaker 1:But yeah, um, I think another obstacle is you think that your, your, your needs don't matter. Oh, it's okay I'll be fine, don't worry about me, those kind of things. Yeah, or another obstacle is you think you're going to get flustered, because you've done that before. It's like I tried this once and I got flustered and it didn't turn out. Well, you know, you've got to practice what you're going to say. Yeah, you really have to. So don't let what you think the outcome might be.
Speaker 2:Affect what you're going to do.
Speaker 1:Stop you? Yes, right, go ahead and practice, practice, practice and I would tell the ladies to do that over and over. Write it down. Write down what you want to say. Get a good idea in your head.
Speaker 2:But also don't overthink it. Be confident, it's you know, you can do this yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, there is that and that's okay for some people but some people do need to, you know. But you're right, I like that.
Speaker 2:So you know be confident. Yeah, cause a lot of times you know if you're going to say, let's say you're practicing assertiveness to tell someone something like, let's say, you have to go talk to your neighbor downstairs or something like that, but you have anxiety with doing that right to your class. You teach assertiveness or something like that, but, um, you know you're still kind of nervous or something like that. You know you can just practice it and people tend to overthink it and they eat themselves up with it, you know.
Speaker 2:And so you can just stand in front of the mirror and like practice what you're going to say. Practice what you're going to say. Practice what you're going to say. But if you overthink it, like it. Practice what you're going to say, but if you overthink it, it hurts you kind of. So just tell yourself that you're confident you got this, because when you back yourself up like that, it's helpful.
Speaker 1:Right, I feel, and I think more toward the end. Here we'll talk about how do you be assertive, how can you do that, and so that'll help with some of that, I think I want to put you on the spot here just a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, Um so, a situation where you could be, um, not real comfortable with and I'm not talking about you in general, I'm just saying in general- or not specifically you, but in general. What about? I mean, this is really an awkward thing for a lot of young kids, young Zen, you know Gen Z people. But asking someone out on a date right.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 1:So I mean, if you saw the pretty girl at the coffee shop or you know whatever, what, how, how do you think you really wanted to like? Do you? Do you have a sense about how you might handle that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so she's behind the counter.
Speaker 1:Sure she can be behind the counter, she can be doing.
Speaker 2:I've seen one at a coffee shop before, so you just go up to her. Hey, I thought you were really cute. I was wondering if I could get your number or if you're free later, or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And say it slow, say it slow.
Speaker 1:Say it slow. Say it slow, hey, it's a little bit slow, I know right, and they're like what? Hey?
Speaker 2:my name is yeah, and I thought you were cute.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a great way to start. Hey, my name is Greg.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I thought you were cute, I noticed you and was wondering if. Yeah, If I could you know, ask for your number or you know that are recently done. Compliment those that's right see if their toes toenails are done because girls they like that when you compliment their toes um see if they have a nice dress on anything you can compliment just there's always something you can say nice about somebody and their appearance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because once you get a smile in, you're golden, there you go but um what I heard you do was using I statements.
Speaker 1:You know, like you know, I noticed you back here working and I was wondering if I could get your phone number.
Speaker 2:I'd love to go have some coffee, make him blush a little bit yeah, yeah. Then you're in, so anyway.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's, that's good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think also like during job interviews or when we're sort of this you know we already talked about that being this sort of the superior person.
Speaker 2:Oh, job interview one's a really good thing to do too, because at the end of every single job interview I've been to, they always ask you, do you have any questions for us about the job? And I used to say no, and dad was like no, no, no, no, no You're doing everything wrong okay so you want to ask them questions.
Speaker 1:That's right. Dad is a. You know he does executive recruiting and recruiting for high-tech companies. Right to get employees in open positions at companies.
Speaker 2:So he's very very good at interviews interviews 24 7. He interviews people all the time over the phone, stuff like that, yeah right so he was like greg, you're doing this wrong here, you want it and you want to know golden question, that'll help your interview, uh, and I was like sure, and he goes okay. So when they ask you, you know, do you have any questions for us? Either, if there's one person in the interview or two people in the interview, go to them. What is your favorite part about working here?
Speaker 2:And you know, eye contact, direct, you know, and then they'll have to, you know, have a personal experience and stuff like that. And if it's a personal experience, maybe you can relate that way, build a little deeper relationship there and then if you have any other concerns or questions that that, even that are small or big, ask them, because they're there for your questions. That's why they asked you know, do you have anything else we can help with?
Speaker 1:So I love the one. I know that young people are afraid to ask well, what's the starting pay? Yeah, it seems like you and your brother avoid that whole question. I've talked to other parents about it. I hate to ask. So here's another way you can say you can say so I'm curious what the starting pay for me would be.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I'm curious, you know.
Speaker 2:I statement yeah, right.
Speaker 1:Now what is the starting pay?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm curious to know what the starting pay is going to be for this position.
Speaker 1:For this position. Yeah, so very fair question.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely yeah. So it doesn't hurt to ask too, because you just want to get informed, you know, of why you're working there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, is this going to fit for me.
Speaker 2:Is this going to work for me? Is this a good paying job for me?
Speaker 1:You need to know what you're going to get paid, because you may want to buy a car or something and you've got to save up. And how do you, how do you do that right? So I think the first thing that you need to do is really kind of look at your style, like really assess yourself. So does you know, um, do you like to express your opinions or do you kind of keep quiet about those? Right? Do you like to say yes when you really need to say no because your schedule is so full right now? Right?
Speaker 1:yeah, like if someone asks you to do something for them.
Speaker 2:I hate doing that. I don't know why I do that. I always, you know, are you free right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I want to be nice to them, or something like that. But are you free right now? Yeah, yeah, cause I want to be nice to them, or something like that. But then I'm like mentally or physically exhausted and I just got done with something and I'm like inside.
Speaker 1:I know you did that for me. I know you go out and you do your job and you work and you do your college and then, like when you're home this summer and I know you've been out doing your landscaping business and which I'm really proud of you for- You're doing a really great job.
Speaker 1:We got another client as well, nice, yeah, so wait to hear. Yeah, um, anyway. But and then I go, you know, you come home and I'm like, can you help me move this thing over here, can you help me with that? And I know you probably just want to get in the shower and you know, but that's another thing you could say too. It's like, hey, mom, I want to help you and I will. I let me get in the shower first.
Speaker 1:I really need to take a shower yeah so there's, you know, you can meet your needs before all right, jumping on my stuff.
Speaker 2:I see it as mama first, then me second.
Speaker 1:Well don't yeah, you got to put your needs first, it's okay, I mean, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I always want to help you, I know you do well.
Speaker 1:You're so sweet, but you always want to help everybody too. Yeah, you're very, very there for people yeah, that's another thing. It's like saying no without feeling guilty it's another thing of exactly being a surter yeah, so so, and I used to feel that way, like if you don't even have the time for something.
Speaker 2:Yo, do you want to come over to my house later? We watch a game or we watch, you know, a tv show or something like that. No, I can't, because I have dinner or something like that, with my family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would love to do that, but I've already got plans.
Speaker 2:It sucks saying no, but if you can't make it, you can't make it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and people understand that. You have to remember that, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:Stuff comes up and different things like that.
Speaker 1:So anyway, kind of looking at what are your tendencies, are you afraid to talk to people that are superior to you, you know, just really looking at yourself, kind of taking a deep dive into how do I respond and how do I act in situations when I'm around other people. Do I put myself at a compromise or Um, or do I put myself first?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And you know that I think that's really important to do. But again, then we talked about I statements um earlier, and so I I think I asked you um, what would you do if you went to McDonald's and you got an order um and your order? You received your order and it was like totally messed up, totally not even anything that you ordered. Okay, so it's not even close, yeah.
Speaker 2:Let's say you get a quarter pounder with fries and I get a Filet-O-Fish with brownie. Let's say drive-thru or drive-thru.
Speaker 1:Sure, you can take drive-thru.
Speaker 2:I mostly do drive-thru. So let's say I pull up at the drive spot because I'm, or the parking spot because I'm gonna eat in my car, because I'm weird, and then I'm gonna open the bag. I do that too, and then I'm gonna be happy because I get a quarter pounder and stuff, and then I'm gonna be upset because I don't get my food. So I'm gonna pull around. I'm either gonna go, I'm probably just gonna go inside, cause I don't want to wait in a drive-thru line cause that's going to take forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll just wait at the line and it'll be like excuse me, yeah, I just ordered this through the drive-thru and I noticed after looking at it that, um, this isn't my order, and things like that. Um, so I was wondering if I could get this changed out or corrected.
Speaker 1:That is so perfect. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:The.
Speaker 1:I statements in there were amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't even notice Like I ordered this.
Speaker 1:I ordered so-and-so. Whatever, this isn't what I ordered. I forget what y'all said, but you know, could I get a?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, can I get a?
Speaker 1:A quarter pounder with cheese, what I really ordered Exactly. Yeah, yeah, so, anyway, yeah, perfect. Yeah, yeah, um, so anyway, yeah, perfect instead of. You know, some people get really angry and I get it. You know people have bad days. Y'all messed up. You messed up my order like it's like you, you, you, pointing, pointing, pointing the blame. I've seen like public freak outs online and stuff like y'all can't even get my burger right, and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Well, I've seen him in person yeah, I know um, anyway, and I think um, so that's using I statements versus you and you know that's really coming from a place of blame when you say you yeah and so always try to reframe it what it is.
Speaker 1:It's distracting the blame, so yeah, yeah, it's what's putting it on something taking the blame off you and putting it on someone else yeah, well, there's, and it shouldn't be a blame, it just should be like this this is that's the point, is okay, so there's no blame. And so I was at the gym the other day and, um, I had signed chase up for gym membership and it's a once a month fee right.
Speaker 1:It's so much a month $30, whatever and they billed me on the first and then on the 15th I got another charge. And so when I went into the gym, um yesterday, the day before yesterday, and um I said to the owner I go, hey, I got charged twice this month. I go I mean, I've been here forever, I know that it's a once a month fee, I don't know what's going on. He looked at it and he goes uh, who set this up? And I said, well, so-and-so, and um, he goes, well, he didn't do it right. And I go, he's charging you. He puts you as bi, bi-monthly, so he's going to get billed or bi-weekly is it.
Speaker 1:So you get billed every two weeks for the one, the fee. That's. So basically, I'm getting billed twice yeah.
Speaker 1:And um. So when I went to go, um, I walked over to the guys later after I got done working out and the gentleman that set me up, he goes. I am so sorry. He said I I messed this up and he was very apologetic and I go, hey man, I go. You were really busy that day. You were trying to work me in and get my son signed up and I had two of you. I signed you up for the summer membership and I right, yeah, and I go. And you were trying to work with a client.
Speaker 1:Work with a yeah and while he was doing his reps, you were trying to help me and get me going. I mean, you were crazy that day Multitasking and everything.
Speaker 2:I go, I totally get it yeah, and so Well that's nice way to start a conversation about something, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So anyway, those I statements are so important. And just taking some ownership.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Another thing I think that you can do when you're learning how to be assertive is you know practicing what you want to say. You know. For you maybe that isn't so important, maybe you're better off the cuff, but you know.
Speaker 2:For you maybe that isn't so important, maybe you're better off the cuff, but if you really need to write it out, that was the thing about my buddy in high school, david. He would debate you on almost anything, and I mean anything To where the debates would get so funny at the lunch tables Everyone would chime in no, the Roman Coliseum. No, no, no, no, no. Did you know that? And it would be about anything so anyone could get like interested in it. And he was so dang strong about his opinion like he would scream oh, his opinion and stuff.
Speaker 2:It was so funny too, like he'd make a little show out of it, yeah um, and it was so funny. So because he expressed, you know, what he liked, what he what he thought was right, his opinions and stuff like that and just he was being funny while doing it, so everyone got a kick out of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, as long as you're not imposing on somebody else.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Keep your emotions in check. That's a really big thing. It's real easy to get thrown off or get frustrated or get angry or those kind of things. But try to remain calm. That's really, really important. And keep your voice excuse me, keep your voice even, and you know just strong and firm.
Speaker 2:There you go yeah.
Speaker 1:And then body language. What about body language? What do you think is good about being showing assertiveness through body language?
Speaker 2:I mean, don't have like your arms crossed because it kind of shows. You're closed off yeah um like I said eye contact, eye contact eye contact right so keeping um.
Speaker 1:You know, don't be making faces firm handshakes, stuff like that. I'm bad at that. I make faces oh yeah don't you notice? Sometimes I go through periods um yeah, so yeah, hands to your side or in your pocket. You know, keep your body open.
Speaker 2:Yeah, firm, handshake, all that stuff.
Speaker 1:Keep upright position, don't? No, there's nothing assertive about someone hunching over and looking at the floor when they're trying to have a conversation with somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:There's nothing assertive about that, not at all. So. So, anyway, I'm realizing that we have gone almost to 30 minutes here, and I know we like to keep it a little bit shorter for our audience. So anything else that you want to add?
Speaker 2:I think you covered it all.
Speaker 1:Just a couple of things just to add. I mean, if you can just practice being assertive, it is going to change your world. It will change your life. No, it's not going to happen overnight and it's going to take practice, but you can do it. Anybody can do world. It will change your life. No, it's not going to happen overnight and it's going to take practice, but you can do it, anybody can do it.
Speaker 1:It's a skill that we should all learn. There you go, and it'll build confidence in yourself. It'll build your self-esteem, it will help your relationships, your jobs are going to be more amazing. It'll just help you be better with people overall. And guess what? We all have people in our lives. There, you go yeah, so anyway.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:So I guess what would be a good action, call to action for everyone to take away, to start applying their assertive abilities or their assertive self, I guess speak out on the little things, if anything bothers you. Or practice saying no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like maybe you have a tight schedule, one day and someone has to pick you up or something like that, and it's going to like really really have to like stress you out or time crunch your schedule for you know to get picked up or something like that, and just say, yeah, I wish I could, but I can't today because I have this and this. Yeah, perfect, yeah, you can just speak up and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, saying no, um, practicing just using I statements in general, that would be a great way to start.
Speaker 2:That's how I started, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, I just would say my I statements in anything, because you can do that. Um so just you know and and assess yourself, get a sense about, like, am I one that doesn't share their opinion? Do I think my opinion doesn't matter? You know, figure out who you are inside and all those thoughts that go on in your head.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so start with that and then find a way to start working on um your those little issues, um one by one.
Speaker 2:There you go yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so anyway, I think that is our show for today.
Speaker 2:I think so alright. Thank you Jesus for this episode.
Speaker 1:It was fun and remember you are not alone.