You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
As a mother and son team, Debbie and Greg come together to talk about the realities and struggles we all face in today’s world. They cover a wide array of topics from mental health to current events to teaching on topics that will help you do life. As Christians, they know there is one thing that brings peace, hope, and encouragement to anything life throws our way, and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You don't know what you don't know, so come along on the ride. Your life and heart will be changed forever!
You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
Choices Lead, Feelings Follow: A Christian Perspective
Have you ever noticed how your choices directly impact your emotional state? Join Debbie and Greg Gold as they unpack the powerful truth that "choices lead, feelings follow" in this enlightening episode of the You Are Not Alone podcast.
The duo begins by sharing their weekly highlights – Greg's kayaking adventure on Lady Bird Lake (complete with a painful sunburn lesson) and Debbie's unexpected $200 scratch ticket win. These light-hearted moments set the stage for a deeper discussion about emotional health from a Christian perspective.
Drawing from their recent experience in a church freedom group, Debbie and Greg explore how forgiveness exemplifies this "choices lead, feelings follow" principle. Debbie vulnerably shares her struggle with unforgiveness following her father's passing and family conflicts, revealing how choosing forgiveness – before feeling forgiving – ultimately led to peace and spiritual alignment. Greg adds practical wisdom about quickly releasing grudges to avoid being consumed by negative emotions.
The conversation then shifts to practical applications like overcoming procrastination using Mel Robbins' 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which helps listeners push through resistance and take action. The hosts also examine the profound impact of our words, referencing Ephesians 4:29 and providing examples of how choosing uplifting language transforms both the speaker and listener's emotional experience.
Throughout the episode, Debbie and Greg weave together biblical wisdom, personal anecdotes, and practical strategies that listeners can immediately apply to their lives. Their warm, conversational approach makes complex spiritual concepts accessible and relatable.
Ready to transform your emotional landscape through intentional choices? Listen now, and discover how aligning your choices with God's desires can lead to the healthy feelings He wants for your life. Visit debbieandgreggold.com to connect with us and continue the conversation!
Hello, this is Debbie and Greg Gold, and welcome to the you Are Not Alone podcast, where we cover topics that will help you navigate life, and, as Christians, we know that we can't do it alone. We need Jesus. We encourage you to join us on the journey that will help you begin or deepen your walk with Christ, no matter where you are. Hello everyone Today, greg and I are going to be talking about choices that lead to healthy feelings, but first let's talk about the highlight of the week.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:All right, what was yours, greg? So this, it wasn't this weekend, but this week, all right, all right.
Speaker 2:What was yours, greg? So this it wasn't this weekend, but this week, or yeah, no, it was this last weekend. I went kayaking on ladybird lake with a friend for like three hours, um, just explored downtown austin, kind of it was super fun, um, and I didn't think to wear any sunscreen and I I was in the hot sun on Lake Austin for three straight hours in a kayak, shirtless. So I come home and I take off my shirt and I realize, oh, I look like a tomato. I was red, and so right now I'm in the process of peeling and just recovering from an intense sunburn yeah, blistering too.
Speaker 2:Super fun weekend, though, and it was really cool to explore Austin downtown Austin, cause I don't go downtown much.
Speaker 1:So was it um pretty busy on the water with kayaks?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was mostly 90% paddleboards, I'd say they were all like paddleboards, and then we were like the only ones in kayaks, really so interesting. Yeah, but it was pretty busy A lot of people out there. So, right, some rope swings on the sides and cool, yeah, cool it was. It was a nice day um.
Speaker 1:So what was your takeaway from that?
Speaker 2:uh, god is good and you made a beautiful, beautiful earth there you go um and treasure your friends?
Speaker 1:I guess so great and also um god made sunscreen yeah, and I need to use that next time because yeah, generally you don't burn.
Speaker 2:But not well, I was in the sun for like three hours just kayaking, because we kayak like two miles, so I would just row in and it's funny like only the front of my legs are burnt because that's where they were in the sun. So the sides are completely fine. So it's just. All the areas were like my shoulders and my upper chest, mostly in my back, so those are the areas that got affected the most. So, but we'll do it again next time and I'll wear a lot of sunscreen because this sucks. So what was your highlight of the week?
Speaker 1:So mine is pretty basic, but I won $200 on a scratcher ticket so I was pretty happy about that.
Speaker 2:I mean, how much do you usually win if you you know, five, $10 or something?
Speaker 1:Yeah, 10 or 20 is typical.
Speaker 2:Okay 200 is pretty good though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was. That was pretty huge, I thought.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you showed me I was like whoa, so anyway, that's fun.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it.
Speaker 2:Yet, if anybody's got any ideas, Spend it, text us, save it, text us.
Speaker 1:Text us, go to our website at debbieandgreggoldcom and send us a message.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 1:Anyway, all right. Well, let's talk about our topic today.
Speaker 2:And that is Choices leading to feelings or good feelings, and how they lead to them Right.
Speaker 1:Well, choices lead and feelings follow.
Speaker 2:That's basically how it's said.
Speaker 1:Better said than I did. Yeah, choices lead, feelings follow. So Greg and I have been doing this group at church. It's called a freedom group and it's really breakthrough, dropping your chains. It's pretty intense, but we finished our 12 weeks.
Speaker 1:This weekend is going to be the conference, which will be my highlight of the next episode probably yours too, um, cause it sounds like it's going to be amazing. But we were learning in this group to you know, removing obstacles that keep us from having close intimacy, intimacy with God, cause you know he wants us to have intimacy with him because he loves us and that's the most important thing to him, because he loves us and that's the most important thing to him. So, like I said, the concept was choices lead, feelings follow, and I really had to think about that, and since I've been incorporating it in my life, it really has made a difference, and so we wanted to maybe talk about some examples that will help you wrap your head around the concept of choices lead and feelings follow. I thought one of the big ones that sticks out for me, and this is something I'm working on in group itself- is forgiveness and I think this is big for a lot of people.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know we've, I think I don't know who has not been rejected or betrayed. Or you know, I think I don't know who has not been rejected or betrayed, or, you know, falsely accused of something or gossiped about or getting cut off in traffic. So I kind of feel like this could apply to most people.
Speaker 2:It's a really common subject, I think. Yeah, for sure I mean humans aren't perfect, we're all flawed, so stuff happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, I mean humans aren't perfect, we're all flawed. So stuff happens, yeah, absolutely, and so forgiveness is a choice and being unforgiving actually only hurts you. And I remember another time. You know, when it's a little thing, I can forgive very easy, but when they're really big, impactful events, it's really hard for me to forgive that, naturally it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really hard for me to forgive that, naturally it is, yeah, and I remember when my dad passed away in 08, and there were some changes to the will and there were some issues with my brother and I and his wife and man. It took me a long time to be able to forgive my dad and my brother and sister-in-law and I would think about it and it consumed my days for months and I finally got that it was truly only hurting me. My brother didn't care, you know, he got the best of the deal.
Speaker 2:You were like in a dark spot, just like all mad right.
Speaker 1:So I was mad and sad and wanted to get revenge.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, I was just in a really bad place.
Speaker 2:That's yeah.
Speaker 1:And I mean that didn't do me any benefit at all.
Speaker 2:I couldn't focus.
Speaker 1:I couldn't take care of my family. Well, I couldn't, you know, I couldn't do a lot of things because you were just focused on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm really just consumed with it. So, um, kind of has something like that going on right now and, um, you know, I was reminded, uh, tuesday night in group, that holding onto forgiveness really does just inhibit your relationship or my relationship with God, um, the relationship that he really wants me to have with him. So when I'm, I'm in, unforgiving, I'm not living my life the way God wants me to live, I'm not being kind, I'm not being loving, I'm not being, um, you know, happy and joyous, all those things that the Bible says we should be. And so, um, you know, I would, you know, I sit and spend my time scheming how I'm going to get revenge, you know, and um, it's just not healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think, like the faster you forgive too, the better you feel, because you're not focused on that, whatever was negative, negatively impacting your life. So yeah you're focusing on what's next. What do we got to do instead of this?
Speaker 1:So kind of like putting it behind you, I think so, and you've heard me say that some days I can't even focus on what I need to focus on. Yeah, I've heard that too I just get, I just get, so yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's like I've had friends in the past that have like done stuff to me that's like wrong and stuff, and it's like they don't know any better. I I forgive them because you know it's not worth it to just be mad at them and just have a bunch of built up anger against them. I think it's stupid. So just let it go and just forgive.
Speaker 1:So it can be hard to do, but it can be. Yeah, if we keep our focus on what is really important and that's our relationship with God. I think that really helps. So you know, and then I think about another point too. You know, god has forgiven all our sins because of, you know, allowing his one and only son to die on the cross for us. And you know, I don't feel like I have the right to be unforgiving when all my sins get unforgiven or get forgiven. And you know, I've heard just let God deal with the situation, he'll handle it. And so I think that's another important point that keeps me on track and keeps me in a forgiving place. And I guess, going back to the idea of choices lead and feelings follow, by choosing to be unforgiving, I'm letting my feelings dictate me, right?
Speaker 1:So letting, when we were just talking about all this, you don't want that to happen, so now and which brings, you know it's all the negative consequences, saying hurtful things, shutting someone out of your life. You know it's not a win for anybody.
Speaker 2:No, it's just negative negative.
Speaker 1:You know it's not a win for anybody. No, it's just negative, negative, negative. However, yeah, and however, if I choose to, if I lead by choosing and I choose to forgive, the feelings that follow are peace, enjoy, accomplishment, not being distracted all that it's like you're in control.
Speaker 2:You can choose how you want to feel. Why not feel happy?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So why not feel all those other feelings instead of you know, not forgiving? So?
Speaker 1:yeah, so by choosing to forgive I have better feelings and I'm in a better place. I'm in a better place with god and I'm more productive, etc. So hope that helps explain that concept. But we can use this concept in any circumstance.
Speaker 2:Really it doesn't have to just be forgiveness or unforgiveness. Number two waking up earlier. So Mel Robbins, in her book the Let them Theory, currently on the New York Times bestseller list, talks about the 5-4-3-2-1 idea. You count down from 5 to 1 every time that you have to nudge or force yourself to do something, something that doesn't come easy for you to do, like dishes or laundry or, you know, yard work or whatever it may be, I don't know.
Speaker 1:We just mowed the lawn.
Speaker 2:this morning, yeah. So, um, I mean something that's not easy, that you don't really want to do, yeah.
Speaker 1:Or also besides that, it's the you know, when you have fear about something or some anxiety about something.
Speaker 2:you know it kind of just pushes you to just 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,. You know, get out of bed, start the laundry, do the dishes, pay the bills. And she said the author Mel says it helps you power through, feel fear, anxiety, overwhelm, doubt and procrastination. So I've used it before too getting out of bed.
Speaker 1:So yeah at least just like you kind of just force yourself to spring up yeah, so you just know, when you get to one you got to move whatever that is, I I do that sometimes with writing our scripts for our podcast. It's like I don't know what to write today. I'm not in the mood, but when I do the five, four, three, two, one and I have in my head I'm going to go now. Then I go and it's really encouraging.
Speaker 2:You kind of like make a fake rule in your head. It's like okay, when it goes down to one, I have to do this. No matter what so it's kind of like a little law you put in your head.
Speaker 1:So so, um, yeah, I can be good at procrastinating sometimes, which I think we all can, but um but when you knock it out, I mean you just feel better, you feel accomplished and you feel relieved.
Speaker 2:You know, got that out the way, knocked it out Right, Like.
Speaker 1:I was sort of motivated this morning to do the lawn because I know past, like about 11, it's going to be way too hot.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I was thinking that too.
Speaker 1:We were out there, I don't know, nine, nine, 30, something like that, but maybe nine. Um and it was still a little hot and we got sweaty. But, um, I didn't really need encouragement to do that.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to do the five, four, three, two, one to get out there, because I I knew the result if I waited would be tremendous heat and more sun burning on Greg Exactly. So that was easy. But I've got some work on my desk that I have to get to, and I'm really not crazy about doing it right now. So I'm going to have to use the 5-4-3-2-1 to get myself engaged, because once I get engaged I'm good. That's it.
Speaker 2:That's it, that's my experience.
Speaker 1:I don't know about you. I mean yeah, yeah, I think too, like I'm thinking of, like college students or students just sitting down and doing their work. You know who wants to study for a test.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But that theory can be really helpful, I think you just gotta sit down and do it yeah, yeah, and not even yeah, just anybody but, okay. Um well, let's see what about. I know this is kind of a big one for me, but watching our tongues, um, this can be difficult to do, you know. Sometimes you just want to blurt something out at somebody.
Speaker 2:Watching your tongue and watching your attitude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but you know our words can. They're either going to tear somebody up or they're going to lift them up, and we don't want to tear people down, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, most people don't like really think of it, but words are really powerful. So, and like how you say, what you say to people, they can really affect them. So I mean the other. The other day some, some lady complimented my shirt and I was like, oh, thank you, so small things like that can really lift you up.
Speaker 1:So what shirt was that?
Speaker 2:Uh, I was at church. It was that long sleeve collared one. Yeah. So, um, yeah, I mean, just a small compliment like that can lift me up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes you feel good.
Speaker 2:It does yeah.
Speaker 1:It can change your day, and then you can pass that on to somebody else right, yeah. It's like even just a smile.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, or how are you doing this morning? How are you doing, you know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, makes a big difference. Yeah, I know when my energy is really high. I know when my energy is really high. Stop picking on yourself. Greg's peeling himself in the background.
Speaker 2:I know it's so tempting, right, I know.
Speaker 1:It's like peeling the glue off your finger when you're a kid Pretty much yeah, all right. So what were we talking about?
Speaker 2:Words.
Speaker 1:Yes so.
Speaker 2:Lifting people up.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So why? I guess why? Maybe why do we do that? Maybe you were spoken to that, or spoken that way when you were a child. Maybe your parents were very insultive. You know, instead of lifting you up, they're like why are you doing that? Or what's wrong with you? How come your homework's not done?
Speaker 2:You know, just negativity.
Speaker 1:You know, maybe you're under stress. I know, sometimes when I'm under stress I get a little impatient.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:Or you get frustrated. As a mother, I get frustrated with my children's behavior because we probably talked about it a hundred times and one example was yesterday. Greg was um potting some flowers and, um, he did it, you know, got it done and everything. And I go out to take the trash can out and there's the pitcher of water and the bag of dirt and a little shovel and dirt on the carport the concrete and I'm just like I don't know why I didn't put it away.
Speaker 2:I literally just walked back inside after I finished and then didn't put anything away, so just left it all there.
Speaker 1:And so, um, how many times we talk about cleaning up after ourselves, right, and um, anyway, just uh, that was sort of a little example that I was thinking of. And um, sometimes we're just feeling hurt by somebody and we just don't speak nicely. Or we're hurt about a circumstance and we're in a bad place and we just don't speak well, Um, let's see, and we just don't speak well. Let's see, Ephesians 4, verse 29, says Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. So I think I mean that sums it up right there.
Speaker 2:Only what is helpful for building others up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, um now, what could I have done different yesterday with you? You know, hey, Greg, I noticed that this materials you used are still sitting outside. Could you go um take care of that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the way I deserved it. I left a bunch of stuff out there, I have to say it was a mess out there. There was dirt everywhere, potting soil everywhere and the little shovel I used, and then the bucket of water was out there too. So, yeah, it was a mess.
Speaker 1:So anyway, just some food for thought, and you know, and just some little examples can be um, I forgive you versus I never want to speak to you again. You know, or you did your best versus you're a failure. You can do it versus you'll never be able to do it, or you'll never amount to anything. I see potential in you versus you'll never be a doctor like you're dreaming. That's pretty bad, okay, anyway. So making this choice will lead to good feelings versus feelings of regret for you.
Speaker 2:You know you're gonna feel better I think it's like thinking about your words and, well, really processing what you're gonna say to people before you say it, and then being positive. So, like I said in 420, ephesians 429, what is helpful for building others up?
Speaker 1:You're right.
Speaker 2:So positive talk, I think, is I mean it's just helpful in general.
Speaker 1:So it builds people up Go ahead.
Speaker 2:It builds people up and you just you feel good about it too.
Speaker 1:So I liked what you said about it. You know kind of thinking about what you need, you want to say versus just blurting something out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's where that comes from. That's where like emotions come in, and that's where the feelings part comes into it too. So, anyway, do you have any other examples you'd like to share of anything coming to mind about? Choices leads, feelings follow follow.
Speaker 2:I think just watching your actions and what you're going to say and what you say is really important, because your words can carry a lot of power, um, certainly negative or positive, whatever they are. Um, and yeah, watching our tongues is also really important and a really good topic, I think. So.
Speaker 1:I don't think so I think, that's all well, I gotta say, go to church people, and uh, I guess that's our show for today. Um, I don't know. Go check out our website, right check out our website at debbieandgreggoldcom.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, we'll see you back here. We'll see you back here next week. Yeah, thank you god for this episode. Jesus is always with you and with us.
Speaker 1:Yes, you are not alone.
Speaker 2:All right, we love you and make it a great day.
Speaker 1:Take care, bye-bye.