You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
As a mother and son team, Debbie and Greg come together to talk about the realities and struggles we all face in today’s world. They cover a wide array of topics from mental health to current events to teaching on topics that will help you do life. As Christians, they know there is one thing that brings peace, hope, and encouragement to anything life throws our way, and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You don't know what you don't know, so come along on the ride. Your life and heart will be changed forever!
You Are Not Alone With Debbie & Greg Gold
Healing Wounds of the Past: Debbie's Childhood Story
The wounds of childhood often leave lasting impressions that shape our relationships, emotional responses, and spiritual journeys well into adulthood. In this vulnerable conversation, Debbie Gold opens her heart about growing up in a household where "I love you" was rarely spoken and physical affection was almost non-existent.
Debbie shares how this emotional disconnect followed her into adulthood, making it nearly impossible for her to say simple phrases like "I'm sorry" to her husband. She recounts living above her parents' tavern between ages 9-14, where she witnessed her father's struggle with alcoholism and the domestic violence that followed. The painful memories of seeing her mother physically abused created trauma that took years to process and heal from.
What makes Debbie's story so powerful is her journey to forgiveness. Through her faith and recent experiences at a Freedom Group Conference, she found the strength to forgive those who hurt her most deeply. She draws particular comfort from scriptures that remind her God can use painful experiences for good: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good." The realization that she would never again be truly alone because of God's presence brought profound healing to someone who grew up feeling she always had to handle problems by herself.
This episode serves as a reminder that no matter what trauma we've experienced, healing is possible through faith, forgiveness, and community. If you're carrying wounds from your past, know that your experiences can ultimately become the very thing God uses to help others. Subscribe to hear more conversations that remind you that truly, you are not alone.
Debbie and Greg Gold. Hello, this is Debbie and Greg Gold, and welcome to the you Are Not Alone podcast, where we cover topics that will help you navigate life, and, as Christians, we know that we can't do it alone. We need Jesus. We encourage you to join us on the journey that will help you begin or deepen your walk with Christ, no matter where you are.
Speaker 2:Hello, listeners, welcome back to. You Are Not Alone. Today we're going to be doing something a little bit different, Mom, I know at some point in the near future you're going to be sharing your testimony with our listeners, and today I want to talk to you about some of the experiences of your childhood because I think your sharing will help other people. So we'll get that. We'll get into that for a bit, but first it's time for highlights of the week.
Speaker 1:So my favorite. Yeah, so it's all my favorite. So what was yours this week? What do you got? Okay, well, I, it's hands down easily. It's the highlight of the week. It is is, uh, the freedom group conference that we did last uh weekend. So it was it was friday night, right, and all day, saturday, yep and it was a um, just a remarkable experience really. So this freedom group, we we did talk about this a little bit last week, but it was like a 12 week program.
Speaker 1:And we learned about removing obstacles that keep us from having a close, intimate relationship with God and um. So for me, um got a lot out of that. We did a lot of worship, we did a lot of reflecting and a lot of praying right, wouldn't you say oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:And um for me. I it just broke some of the chains of my past and my present Um, for example, like I was able to do some forgiving of some of the people who have hurt me, and that was really huge for me, and by having unforgiveness, it um brings me closer to God and it heals me as well. So if I can take away that because not being able to forgive is a sin really in itself and so being able to say I do forgive that person because maybe they didn't really know what they were doing- or whatever it was, and by doing that, that brings me closer to God, it takes that barrier down, so, and then I feel better about myself as well.
Speaker 1:Um, and the I think the other thing that happened was it. Well, it took my face to another level. Like I feel so much closer to God. I've learned different things about praying and it's just. It was just unbelievable. The takeaway on that experience and then, not to mention the connections that I made with some of the women in my group during those 12 weeks, but then during the conference, it was just a lot of laughter and tears, like really a lot of tears, and handing people tissues and hugging people and telling people you love them, and it was just so close and intimate. It was really wonderful.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah, um, I don't know, I'll probably do that group again. Some people go back and do it over and over, so, um, yeah, it was really good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd have to say, mom, was also the freedom group conference. You know a lot of letting go, a lot of reflecting. And then also the next, the following Tuesday after that, we went out for pizza at the same group where we always meet and then we just reflected on the group and the conference and all the you know 12 weeks that we went through it.
Speaker 2:And just we just got to sit down and have a meal with each other and it was really nice so, but yeah, it was a lot of reflecting, a lot of looking back. Really nice so, but yeah it was a lot of reflecting, a lot of looking back. So, and it was, it was really good.
Speaker 1:So really big on forgiveness as well. So yeah, so some of the other things we talked about, too were like pride and um, anger and fear and abuse and you know, just things that we all deal with in, in our lives it was just really impactful yeah, so, um, so me and you we've talked about like the trauma that you experienced growing up a little bit yeah, and then I want to start.
Speaker 2:We have shared some things yeah, but let's start with like emotional abuse. I mean, how was your experience growing up? I mean?
Speaker 1:um, yeah, so that that was probably my biggest type of abuse, if you want to call it that. But, um, I I want to just start with um some scripture, and it's Psalm 139, verse one. It says you have searched me, lord, and you know me. So God knows everything about me, right? He knows everything I've ever done, everything that I will do in the future. He knew everything that was going to happen in my life from prior to the future, before I was even conceived, and that was all part of the big plan back in Genesis.
Speaker 1:He's got everyone planned out and we're in the book. We're in the book.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I just wanted to start with that. It seemed like the right thing to start with, but um. I think emotionally, um, I just remember growing up and we weren't huggy, touchy family and I don't know if that was kind of a common thing back then, um, or if that was just my family, I really don't know. Um, not a lot of hugs or anything no, nothing like that, and I can't imagine that.
Speaker 2:I hug you every morning when I wake up and every night before you go to bed, if I'm awake yeah, I know it's just crazy.
Speaker 1:And to think that we never did that. Or like my mom saying I love you, or my dad.
Speaker 2:You really didn't hear that much.
Speaker 1:No, and for me to say so. Like I moved to California when I was 22 and the first trip I came home because I it was it was over a year before I got to come back, a little over a year to get to go back to my family, and I remember telling my mom I loved her then and it was really awkward for me to say it but she couldn't say I love you back.
Speaker 2:Seriously, yes, really.
Speaker 1:Eventually over time and me coming and going back and forth, I got them to loosen up. Wow, yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 2:That is crazy. I never knew that about you. I never got to meet your mom. She passed right before you know. I was adopted and so. I wish I got to meet her, but wow yeah, and my dad.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know my dad Harley. He was um, he was like this solid rock when you tried to hug him do you. I don't know if you remember that you were still kind of little.
Speaker 2:I was very young. I remember he was big, though yeah, he's a big guy yeah, he was yeah but yeah, just solid as a rock.
Speaker 1:I'm like loosen up, dude, loosen up, you know yeah um, but yeah, so that was kind of that emotional disconnect there and um, and of course you take that into your. I remember being married to dad and your dad and um for the longest time I could never say I'm sorry, like those words could not come out of my mouth. It was the hardest thing and I'm sure through therapy or some wild experience or whatever I was it got to the point. Or you know, in my own career growth or whatever.
Speaker 2:So they didn't express emotion. So you had a hard time expressing emotion too.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly. See, that's that generational thing that we talked a lot about in the conference. We heard, yeah, we talked about that, so so, um, oh, and the other thing too, which I I didn't realize it at the time when I was young, but I realized it after being out in california I I really never spent a lot of time, nothing, alone with my dad. Never time alone with my dad, um, but with my mom I can recall one time we went to the movies, we went to go see Gone with the Wind.
Speaker 2:Just once. Well, we actually saw the movie twice.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but she never would go to the movies.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, it was just me with friends, but she wanted to see Gone with the Wind, so we went and it was great, and then we went back and saw it again, so that, like that's one thing I remember. But then also on Saturdays that was kind of her day to go get her hair done and then we'd go shop around downtown and then we'd go to the grocery store and get groceries and it was our, it was I always looked at, that was a special time for for us to be together.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's kind of nice, yeah, and oh, that's kind of nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was just me. My other sisters never wanted to go, so I did get that yeah.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so there's that and then I heard you mention that your dad also, you know, drained kind of frequently too growing up.
Speaker 1:Growing up in that environment, right, yeah, yeah, okay, well, we can move on. I'm sorry I was thinking about I had another song. It kind of went away.
Speaker 1:um, but no, I, I do want to go back, it's um problems, like I could never go to my mom with problems, like I tried and I don't feel like she ever was available to console me or to spend time, like I don't know if she didn't have the words or didn't have the thoughts to console me or to spend time, like I don't know if she didn't have the words or didn't have the thoughts to help me or she was just too busy. You know, I'm really not sure and like one example that when I was in um seventh grade sixth or seventh grade I was hanging out with Cindy, my best friend um, at her place and we were, you know doing our hair, you know doing things with our hair and stuff and she goes oh my god, she was gonna part my hair in the back and put my hair in ponytails and she's like Debbie, you have a bald spot back here and I went what you know, I kind of painted. You know how when you get nervous, you get really hot.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I just remember that so well sweaty yeah, and. I'm like no what. And so anyway, she showed me in the mirror and I, um, I mean, I I told my mom about it and she didn't do anything about it. She didn't really seem concerned about it.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:And it just time went on and it started getting worse, Like I'd get more.
Speaker 2:Wow Huh.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then I was talking to my sister-in-law and my brother's wife and she's like well, why don't you come and stay with us during the summer? You can babysit the kids, because her and Roger worked. I said okay, so then I stayed there. She said, oh, my God, this is getting bad. She goes let me talk to mom and get her to take you to a doctor.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So she did, and finally my mom made an appointment to a dermatologist in Madison. And we went down there and it was alopecia areata, which means hair falls out in patches, basically, and he thought maybe I was low red blood count. And then it was stress. Well, there was a lot of stress going on because at the time we lived in the tavern, in the bar that my parents ran. We lived upstairs, but yeah, I mean I really felt alone a lot of times and didn't really have anyone I could go to.
Speaker 2:I was afraid, or I didn't know what to do, or you know all these things like a mother and father figure?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, but I am. I'm reminded of the scripture here. It's Joshua 1, verse 9. It says have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord, your God, will be with you wherever you go. And I was reminded at the conference that I will never be alone and I will never be abandoned, ever again, because I have God. And that was one of the prayers that the ladies prayed with me over, because I said I always had to deal with my own problems on my own. And that was just such a relief to me knowing that, yeah, I am going to have problems, we all have problems.
Speaker 2:We all have issues.
Speaker 1:But we just turn to God with them.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:So that was really empowering and, as you were saying earlier about my dad, and he did drink a lot and we did. My dad did several different things actually throughout his life, kind of like me, and he my parents bought a bar or I like to call it a bar and grill, I think we and we lived upstairs and that was between the ages of 9 and grill Um, I was, I think we and we lived upstairs and that was between the ages of nine and 14.
Speaker 1:And, um and it was. There were so many good things about that, but then there were so many bad things about it and one of the bad things was that my dad's at some point started drinking probably every day, and then sometimes it would get like really bad, where he'd be drinking during the day, through the day, into the night, and then he would be intoxicated basically yeah.
Speaker 1:And I used to always say he abused alcohol. But truthfully I think I don't know if they had Al-Anon or AA back then, but if he would have, if they did, he was an alcoholic. I truly believe that and you know it was just yeah and um, you know it was just, it just really got, it was bad and and I mean, was he like a nasty drunk when he got?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean, sometimes he could be so happy and then sometimes he could be aggressive or something aggressive, and it really was mostly toward my mom, and that kind of takes takes me to that next level of the physical abuse that went on when I was growing up and it was never me. I mean, I don't ever remember, you know, being hit or if I. If something happened, I was probably trying to be in the crossfire and save my mom from my dad. But I don't really remember, you know, being physically struck or anything. Um, but yeah, they did fight and I remember a time when you know my dad, he would pull her hair and my mom was screaming.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:And another time, um, that's traumatic. I remember being downstairs in the bar and we were, it was closing time and my parents got into it and sometimes my mom would just say you know, dad, go up to bed. I got this, I'll take care of closing, because she just didn't want to have any confrontations. But one time that didn't happen and they got into an argument. I remember it being by the pool table and he hauled off and hit her in the head. Her glasses went flying.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it was horrible.
Speaker 1:And those are just a couple of examples. There's many more of that type of thing that happened.
Speaker 2:I had no idea. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean imagine seeing at any age, but being in that age of between 9 and 14 and seeing your parents do that to each other. Traumatic yeah, yeah and honestly, my mom was a saint. Back then, divorce wasn't a thing really yeah I mean it's rare that you walked out right so um anyway that's heavy, that's very heavy.
Speaker 1:I know I'm going okay yeah um, but again, I'm reminded of, reminded of a scripture, matthew 5, verse 44. It says love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, and I think that, um you know, seeing all this with my parents, it all happened.
Speaker 2:I love my parents and um I remember when your dad was passing, you were by his side all the time. I know, right, yeah, I was super young when he was, you know, passing away in hospice and all that, but I remember just, you were glued to his side so you'd go up and see dad and me, and dad would go take a flight up there or something like that, just to see him.
Speaker 1:So and then we'd meet you there at the hospital or whatever so I know that last um those last few months of his life I mean, I was up there so much I would struggle between being here to take care of you because you were about five.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was young.
Speaker 1:Yeah, five or six, I remember you had a birthday coming up and I told Dad I go. I went up there, I could only stay I don't know three or four days because we had a birthday party planned for you. And that was like Clifford the Big Red dog, I think oh my gosh, I remember that, yes you know, it was always like a big, big event.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were the only child, so you got special yeah um at the time and um, and I said, dad, I go, and he was. He was not in a good place, um, and he was in a nursing home. I said, dad, I gotta go, I gotta get home. I got this birthday party. He didn't want me to go and he was crying and I said, dad, I promise I'm coming back. And it was just really hard, just you know, just really hard. But, yeah, you do what you got to do. But, yes, you know, we do get hurt, we have enemies, but we have to pray for those who hurt us and hope that, if you know they are Christian, they'll repent and and, uh, yeah, just but it sounds like ultimately you forgave your dad for everything.
Speaker 2:So in the end, right, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, I don't. I can't say it didn't. You know, did it happen overnight?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Did I even think that all these things that happened to me as a child were something I would ever have to forgive? Because when you go through it you're just like, well, maybe this is just life, or you're not a Christian, and so you don't even think about it that way?
Speaker 2:But the fact that you forgave it's big, so you're at peace with it. Right, exactly, that's the important part.
Speaker 1:And anyway, just to close with another scripture, genesis 50, 20 says you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done.
Speaker 1:So I just hold on to that, whenever I go through struggles, that whatever is going on here, it's been planned out from the very know, from the very beginning. And, um, god does intend it for good. And there's, I mean I can. Every difficult struggle that I go through, I can always see the good that comes out of it. And right now we're podcasting about it and we're helping other people know that they're not going through that alone, or didn't go through it alone, or helping people see that, um, it's okay to have struggles because we all have them and we're human and it makes us better people stronger, yeah, so yeah
Speaker 2:so um I think that's our show for today, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:that was a little tough, I have to admit a little heavy episode yeah, but that's okay.
Speaker 2:Make sure to please check out our website at debbieandgreggoldcom.
Speaker 1:And I want to just remind everyone that my Bible study Crossing Over is now available in digital download on our website, and it really is just. It's for new believers that want to take that next step and begin a relationship with Jesus Highly encourage it. Or it's for believers who have never heard of a relationship with Jesus Christ and want to start that walk, and I promise it will be life changing. All right, so we'll see you back here next week. Thank you, god, for this episode and remember Jesus is always with you. You are not alone and we love you and have a great day.
Speaker 2:All right.